July 5, 2013
So why is it I keep crying over this?
I’m not 100% sure.
It makes me sad about this world we live in.
Comments said by uneducated, wounded people.
I cry because I see how screwed up the world is. How screwed up people are in their thinking.
I cry because my perspective is so different than so many others. So different than the majority.
I know this is my gift I am to bring to the world, but the amount of work that I feel it will take, makes me so sad, exhausted, sad again.
I cry because I am sensing my role in this world and it upsets me. It’s controversial. I don’t — or at least I didn’t in past — like to upset people, offend them, hurt them.. didn’t want them to reject me.
And now I get why Spirit has been giving me all these lessons all these years to not care what others think of me.
I see how tough, courageous and powerful I’ve had to become… I also cry because I know I am to grow much more powerful — I am to become bigger than I am now. That amazes me, makes me grateful, also causes so much emotion it makes me sad.
My mind says, you’ve been here before. You were talking about violence — and that passed.
Martin came to you then, was guiding you… but then that passed. This will leave too.
But maybe it won’t?
I fear for my life sometimes. If I get bigger speaking out about this, I worry for my safety. I pray I am safe, that g-d protects me.
We all know how it ended with Martin. I don’t want to be a martyr. This really scares me.
Again, this is past life stuff.
I had a reading a few months back and was told that this is the month I would be hitting the books, learning what I already knew, studying… well, here I am guided — motivated — inspired to read about Marxist Indoctination.
It was a comment and videos someone sent me through twitter yesterday.
This is what I want to study..
History you want to study?
I’ve NEVER been interested in this.
The tears are because I think there are others, history buffs that would probably be better suited.
Spirit’s telling me it’s me to deliver this message. I’m not given a time of when, or what I’m to say, but I am guided to study this weekend. To educate myself.
Again, I feel like crying.
I feel like I don’t want to be a civil leader. That’s weird. I’m not interested.
But you’ll be talking about love, Blaire. (Martin is talking to me.)
I am crying again as I write this. I’ve been asking for this stuff for so long, here it is, I’m so passionate about it, yet there’s some fear / resistance.
Oh g-d, please help me.