July 5, 2013

So why is it I keep crying over this?

I’m not 100% sure.

It makes me sad about this world we live in.

Comments said by uneducated, wounded people.

I cry because I see how screwed up the world is.  How screwed up people are in their thinking.

I cry because my perspective is so different than so many others.  So different than the majority.

I know this is my gift I am to bring to the world, but the amount of work that I feel it will take, makes me so sad, exhausted, sad again.

I cry because I am sensing my role in this world and it upsets me.  It’s controversial.  I don’t — or at least I didn’t in past — like to upset people, offend them, hurt them.. didn’t want them to reject me.

And now I get why Spirit has been giving me all these lessons all these years to not care what others think of me.

I see how tough, courageous and powerful I’ve had to become… I also cry because I know I am to grow much more powerful — I am to become bigger than I am now.  That amazes me, makes me grateful, also causes so much emotion it makes me sad.

My mind says, you’ve been here before.  You were talking about violence — and that passed.

Martin came to you then, was guiding you… but then that passed.  This will leave too.

But maybe it won’t?

I fear for my life sometimes.  If I get bigger speaking out about this, I worry for my safety.  I pray I am safe, that g-d protects me.

We all know how it ended with Martin.  I don’t want to be a martyr.  This really scares me.

Again, this is past life stuff.

I had a reading a few months back and was told that this is the month I would be hitting the books, learning what I already knew, studying… well, here I am guided — motivated — inspired to read about Marxist Indoctination.

It was a comment and videos someone sent me through twitter yesterday.

This is what I want to study..


History you want to study?

I’ve NEVER been interested in this.

The tears are because I think there are others, history buffs that would probably be better suited.

Spirit’s telling me it’s me to deliver this message.  I’m not given a time of when, or what I’m to say, but I am guided to study this weekend.  To educate myself.

Again, I feel like crying.

I feel like I don’t want to be a civil leader.  That’s weird.  I’m not interested.

But you’ll be talking about love, Blaire.  (Martin is talking to me.)

I am crying again as I write this.  I’ve been asking for this stuff for so long, here it is, I’m so passionate about it, yet there’s some fear / resistance.

Oh g-d, please help me.