May 14, 2013

I need to acknowledge some little fears here.  Fears that came up after yesterday’s call with TV Exec and the change coming in my life.

I’m acknowledging them so that they don’t rule me.  So they don’t overcome me.  So they don’t block me.

I acknowledge them so I can keep moving forward.  Boldly.

Those thoughts that came up are this…

The guy mentioned that when we shoot, it’s long days and nights.

I know this since I have a TV background — but this is what the little fear was.

What about Magic?

Who will take care of him?

I will miss hanging out with him.

I need to be back home in time to take him for walks and spend time with him.

I don’t want to ignore or neglect him, he’s my best friend and I want to still hang out with him.

Fear, that I have no one to leave him with.

I don’t want to take him to a doggie sitter each day.

Then I was thinking I could bring him to set, where we’re taping.  The guy I was talking to had his dog there with him… brought to work.

But then there was fear that other people would be around him and he might get out of the house or on a walk something bad may happen to him.  That worried me.

Then there was concern about my sleep schedule.  How I like quiet time and I need downtime, and how last night I was up – with my mind still rollin’ even though it was getting later and later.

Feeling of being out of control with my schedule.

Concern about if we shoot late, I need half the next day to hang around and ground the energy.

Thoughts about having a conversation with him about the shoot schedule, explaining that I’m a sensitive person and to get the best work from me, I need to be well rested.

Concerns about driving to Miami from my place.  I don’t want to do that.  That’s a far drive each day.  (He never said we’d film there – who knows where we’d film yet we’re in initial getting to know you and playing with ideas stages)

And then my concern AGAIN about how Magic and I would get out to LA.

How long the drive is to LA

and how I am concerned about driving so long, I don’t think I could do it.

Concern about putting him on a plane under the cabin, I don’t want to do that.

Are dogs allowed on the flight?

Does he weigh too much?

Fear of him unconsciously picking up on my fears and dying off because he thinks he is holding me back — and I don’t want that.

Concerns about how I would get out to LA if he wants to do a test shoot, attracting money for a sitter and other expenses to go out there, although they would pay for flight and hotel.

All this stuff.

Ahh, enough.

So that’s why I’m writing it.  So I can put these fears to rest.  They are ahead of the game right now and not necessary.

But I will look up the details about moving out to LA – driving details and flight details.

Ohh, concerns about my car.  Questions if I’d sell it and just buy a new one when out there…

So I will look up those details about moving to LA since they have been on my mind for a couple of weeks now.

That will put those thoughts / worries to rest.

See we can’t keep moving forward without acknowledging the fear that comes up and it will, since it’s change and your logical mind will most likely be concerned with feeling out of control.  So the only way to accept those changes more gracefully, move through them, clear them out – is to acknowledge them.