April 7, 2013

I got out of bed this morning and it was time to walk Magic.  I started thinking about my pajamas.  The mismatch layered clothing look.  My mom would say I look like a slob.  I guess I do, but I like being comfy and I like wearing lots of different colors and patterns.  And who gives a fuck – it’s my pajamas.

I saw myself waking up in my new apartment.  What it’d be like.  Being right along the water.  Right next to the marina with the huge yachts.  So fantastic!

I thought about myself going down the elevator, down masses of floors, through the fancy lobby — in my pajamas.  My crazy rundown, all different colors, sloppy look of pajamas.

Well Blaire, you probably will want to get dressed anyway before you take Magic out.  You’ll want to take him on a walk to the beach.  Spirit said….

Besides, you don’t have to be that type of wealthy….

Yes, and another comment.

Thank you, yes, that’s very true.

I have had “what wealth looks like and acts like” put upon me from my parents, mainly my mom.

To me it always felt constricting.  Judging.  Right and wrong.  I was usually the wrong one.  My natural tendencies on how I wanted to dress.  How I wanted to express myself.  My “I don’t give a shit” what I wear or what I look like attitude.

This was bad.  Unimpressive.  Embarrassing… at least that’s what I felt, on how my mom looked at it. I know that’s how she looked at me.

“You’re so pretty, yet you never dress up.  You never flaunt it”

Not an exact quote, but you get the idea.

I hated that I was acknowledged, complimented – and felt like I mattered when I dressed up.  When I looked pretty, when I was well groomed.

That’s when you’re giving me all this attention?

What about the other times?

Not so much.

Well, when Spirit said that to me this morning — “I don’t have to be that kind of wealthy” – I got it.

I totally get it.

It’s about re-working the game.

Re-working my definition of what it means to have wealth.

You don’t have to dress up and be fancy all the time.

It’s an energy.  An energy of confidence.  The feel of power.  Of knowing YOUR OWN POWER to create this.

Yes.  Yes.  That’s the type of wealth I want to be a part of.

Hell yea!

It’s so exciting!! So very exciting!! Hell yea!!