April 7, 2013
One of my students said this to me today. And I know it’s what they have been thinking of me… and it’s true. I am all business until I become more personal with someone.
After all this is my business, duh! There is a boundary here. We are not friends. You become friends with some of your students over time, but right now, my role in most, if not all of my student’s lives is of teacher and healer.
This comment made me laugh. Why? Because it’s what I’ve said of certain healers. And how ridiculous — because they should be all business. It’s their FUCKING business.
They’re not setting up a friend factor.
People are not paying for friendship, although some are..
I’m here to teach and to heal. And yes, with some people I do become friends with them. Or friendlier with them. But everyone who is my student does not become a friend.
How bizarre that this thought would even go through people’s minds.
With this student, I’m conscious of my relationship with them.
Very conscious – because I know they are always trying to step over my boundaries. Always trying to get more time, trying to share more of their emotions, trying to get more attention, and trying to get more of my energy.
It’s a sucking of energy. That may sound harsh, but that’s what it is. Some people go to suck others energy because they have learned this unhealthy behavior when they were young.
It’s an imbalance. An unknowing how to gather more energy to sustain themselves. Caused my an emptiness, never getting energy / attention from their parents when they were young.
It’s another one of those patterns – their parents sucked their energy… they then are brought up to use energy in that way. To feed off other people.
So I haven’t said anything to this person, because I knew it would trigger them.
So I “politely” would set up boundaries and dance around the core issue… but it’s at the point that it’s doing me a injustice and doing them an injustice.
Plus it’s starting to make me feel very angry. It actually has all along, but now I can’t ignore it or tiptoe around it anymore. Something needs to be said. It’s time that I teach this person about it and how to heal the imbalance.
I also haven’t said anything all along cause I was avoiding triggering them.
But again, I am here to help them heal and if this is what’s going on then this is not doing them any sort of favor.
Other people are picking up on it as well and avoiding them as well.
They aren’t creating healthy relationships.
The other thing that bothers me, and this is an ego thing, but I’m fine with that – because I am (and we are) human after all. And that has to do with appreciation.
This person gives off the impression that they don’t value me.
I don’t feel they appreciate all the work and energy and time I put into their healing journey.
And why the fuck am I giving so much of myself?
And to not be appreciated?
That’s what a comment like that means as well…. “you’re all business” — it’s a shaming comment, like you should be giving me more.
It’s a comment that is used in an attempt to control.
Just like this person tries to control — I’m mad at myself for letting them control — by constantly pulling at energy and asking questions or making energy pulling conversation after or before sessions.
This is not allowed anymore.
Thank you for showing me the patterns. Thank you for giving me the fire to mention something. I need to approach this — in love, courage, strength, and for the benefit of all.