April 6, 2013

Okay Spirit, I guess you wanted me to go to this building.  This LUXURY building.  SUPER FANCY.

Oh G-d, it’s too fancy.

Gated entryway.  This is good.  Good security.

Fancy.  There’s a door guy there greeting people at the gate.  Fancy too.  Fancier than what I was looking for.  Okay — Blaire, keep an open mind.  You are playing here.  Having fun.

Valet parking only.

Oh G-d.  Excuse me, can I park myself?

Blaire, stop it.  Be treated to this.

The guy tells me it’s valet only.

Okay.  You can do this.  No big deal.

The building inside is totally luxurious and totally intimidating.  I’ve been in places like that before but have always felt that was more my parents type of thing

My guides chime in, Blaire, this is your thing.

Why can’t you live here?  You can live here.

The message was clear – don’t rule it out.

I give the lady my price range.  The place isn’t as expensive as I thought it was going to be, although it’s still in the high end of what I’m looking to spend.  What I can currently spend.

It’s okay — just go look at it.

The building is way too big.  Much bigger than I wanted or need.  There’s loads of luxury amenities.  One of those places I would never need to leave.  Everything is within walking distance, I never have to drive.  That’s exactly what I wanted.

I walk into the apartment and its simply divine.  AMAZING.


It’s actually bigger than I even needed.

It feels like I’m living in a hotel.  Ahhh, sooo nice.

It’s feels like I own it, like a condo.  Ahh.

The caliber of people walking around is nice.

Older people — but also I see people my age.  Working professionals.

Yes, this is what I wanted.  Young, hip people, THRIVING.

I need to be around that.  Wealth.  It makes me feel uplifted and excited.  Makes me feel motivated.  I’ve been surrounded by poor people.  Poor mentality.  Poor thinking for too long.  I realize on my trip today how I’ve been one of those people too.

Spirit keeps telling me to keep an open mind.  To hold onto the dream.  I can have it.  I can live here.  Don’t tell myself NO.  Don’t talk myself out of it.  Don’t even think about it.  Just experience what she’s showing me.

I see all the cars in the parking garage.  All luxury high end cars.  Oh g-d, I drive a Honda.  I like my Honda.  I’m reaching here.

Blaire, you don’t need to have everything like everyone — you wanted a nice home.

But it’s a bigger building than I wanted, parts of it feel cold.  I don’t totally feel comfortable.

Spirit says to me, You can live here.

This can be you.  Hold onto it.

The lady tells me there’s a special dog walk.  G-d, the place has everything.  Huge yachts right out my window.  Incredible.

So that was it.

I left, still thinking that I should look at other places.  There’s concerns in my mind, like my credit score, like paystubs.  I work for myself, so no paystubs.  Issues with credit from the past.  If I had a huge lump sum to show them then that would be okay.

Do I really need such a nice place?  No.

Do I need all those amenities that they offer?  No.

Even (if) / NO – when – I start making more money do I need to spend a lot of it on living / rent?  No.  I’ve done that before and I saw how fast the money went.  How I had to let it go.

But am I meant to live in poverty?  (I don’t live in poverty, but just play along here… you are either expanding and thinking of luxury or settling in poverty)

Am I meant to “be comfortable” at this age?

Not strive?  Not take leaps?  Wait until some day something in my life changes with money?  No.

Am I capping my rent / mortgage already?  Saying mentally I won’t spend more?  No.  So depressing.

I have experience lack so much of my life.  My parents didn’t do this to me — I did this to me.  It’s one of those things, when you start your own business.  And I’ve done my own business for a long time.  And didn’t make as much money as I wanted for many many years.

I think about how nice the place is.

My stuff is like shit moving it in there.

I’ll get rid of it all.

Keep my couch.  That’s nice.  That fits in there.

I need to buy everything new.  that’s more of an expense.

Blaire, stop it.  Stop it.  One step at a time.  You know what you have to do right now.  You just started looking for places today.  You’ll take the leap forward.  You’ll be able to do it.  Just do the work you need to do right now.

I pray for Spirit to help me.

Please increase my faith and knowing and confidence in my gifts and talents.

They need to provide more $$ for me.

I am moving from here.

Moving from here in 3 months.  That’s when my lease is up.

I need to give them notice in 1 month.

Oh g-d, oh g-d, can you make this happen by then?

I start to do the math in my head.  How can I increase my income?  How can I make this happen?

If I sold my book, that would be a lump sum.  I can do that.  Oh g-d, please help me guys.

STOP IT Blaire, don’t go there.

One step at a time.  You made a big step today.  Have faith, trust, keep it light.  Stay focused.  See what happens.

You must stay in the lightness of this.

It’ll happen.

Well, something will 🙂

Stay tuned….  (and please say a prayer for me) 🙂  When you pray for another, you pray for yourself.

PS:  Was also proud of myself for giving my card, with no emotion attached as in frustration or anxiety or whatever to both the people who showed me apartments.  Both were interested in what I did and I put it out there.  Good job Blaire.  Be proud of who you are.

PSS:  Not only is this place great for the type of man I want to be with.  The type of person I want to be.  But also for meeting new and more students.  Am I now pleading with the Universe?  No, I don’t think so.  Just more reasons why I want it.

This time I want to say YES to my desires.  Say yes for MORE.  Yes to the physical things and experiences I want in life.  I have been waiting for it to change for so many years, now I am ready to make it happen.  Taking that leap of faith.  Let’s do this!