November 16, 2012

When you’re in any kind of healing or helping perfection I feel you are always walking a fine line.  A fine line of establishing and maintaining boundaries.  One can get pretty close to their clients or students when you are doing this type of work – and it’s usually how I do it.  It’s what I like to do, because I really care about my people and I also really like learning about them, as well as really like them.  I love what I do… but still this boundary issue does come up.

The other fine line that comes up is the issue of giving too much.  Lately, I’ve been noticing ways I’ve been doing this as well.

Now, again, whether you are new to healing or helping or have been doing it for awhile I think these two things you need to always be conscious of.  At least, again, this has been my path.

Like just recently.  One of my students comes to an in person event I do weekly.  I enjoy having him there and I enjoy teaching.  I love the event and I love meeting with him weekly.  But it’s just him and I and just as the situation is, we end up getting close.

With each week that goes by, I end up learning more about him – and of course, he learns more about me.  This is fine, but it has gotten a bit weird.  Weird, because now I feel the relationship has turned more into me personally helping and healing him… rather than a general spiritual talk and meditation.

Now, again, I am doing my part to take responsibility for this.  I’m not playing that victim role anymore that “he’s taking advantage of me” or “he’s getting healing work from me at 1/10th of the price”…. although I am tempted to go there.

But again, I’m not letting it.

I’m simply looking at new ways of doing this event.  I sent him an email as well asking his thoughts and offering him the possibility of doing in person sessions with me.

Just recently, again, since I know what’s going on in his life now… I made a comment to him about some limiting beliefs he was carrying and how they were reflected back at others.  He liked the guidance I gave him and asked me for more information about it…

It was then that I realized I had gone too far.  Stepped over that boundary.  Overextended myself, when I wasn’t comfortable doing it.

Because again, although we are helpers at heart.. and we want to give, we have to be conscious of our own feelings.  Of our own desires…. And value ourselves, first.

Him and I don’t have a one on one relationship – as in private sessions.

There’s a sort of “distance” that comes when you go to public events with someone.

They teach material and they help you, but I feel there’s a boundary.  A boundary of “hey, you’re not going to get so much personal attention… or any at all… you are just there to learn concepts and applying them to your life is your responsibility, unless you want further guidance and assistance and in that case, you do private sessions with the person”

And that’s how my teachers have always done it.  That’s how all the workshops I’ve been to have worked.  Again, always that distance… that “coldness” … again, that that boundary was implied.

Okay… so I’m learning.

Don’t give out guidance unless someone is working one on one with you.

Don’t look at it as a “coldness” as you did in the past…. look at it as a respecting of your boundaries and an honoring of your value.

Okay, got it.