June 25, 2013

Wow, I just wrote the date and wow — how did it get to be so late in June?  I had to do everything in my being to change the date to the correct one — I kept on wanting to write June 15th.

Well, anyway.

More money coming in which is good – cashing in more of the jewelry that I haven’t worn in MANY MANY years.

So I keep thanking g-d for bringing money my way.  I also found 26 cents on the floor today too.

Thank you for that as well.

So today, this morning I got an oracle card having to do with rest / relaxation.

So I tried to do that, but was overall bored — again.

It’s almost like I feel like I can’t rest in this apartment.  I am constantly feeling restless.  Bored.

I started clearing out more stuff, so now there’s a big pile of things to donate by my door.

It’s amazing how I keep finding things to release.

But then I had another oracle card which said, what I’ve seen before — in order to have more fun, one must take a risk.

Blah blah, I ignored it.

I have no idea what to do plus really low motivation to do anything new.

Well, I take that back.  I did try a workout class last week, that was fun, but also I got bored of it quickly.  Not something I really want to be doing…

Sure it was working out — but I’m so fucking hot all day long down here (it’s hard core summer weather now) and the last thing I want to be doing is heating up my body.

But oh well, I went — and it was good to see people, be around people, and nice for them to be around my age.  VERY NICE since again I don’t get that much here at all, which really sucks.

And then I pulled another card, just now and it’s about being a workaholic.

Waiting for something “out there” to happen in my career before I enjoy life.  And that I should do other things with my life than just work.

But here we go again, I have no clue what to do.

And many things that I like to do are solo activities.

Walk in nature.

Go to the zoo.

Go to the movies.  Rent movies.



I realized last week that something that’s missing from my life is learning new things.  I used to love that.  Going to classes.

But I stopped that too — because I have been budgeting money.

And I still am.  Otherwise I guess I could sign up for an art class.  That would be fun.

So I re-signed up for Groupon and Living Social and I’ll look for an art class.

I took this stained glass class a year or two years ago and it was a lot of fun.  I really enjoyed it.  But again, it was still pretty much a solo activity — and those that were around me were in their 50s and older.

I would normally — well the version of Blaire from the way past, would be watching TV and totally fine.

But since TV is no longer my go-to, I need to find other things to do.

And yes, of course I can get TV back again — and I even considered that maybe a week or two ago when I went through my other bought of severe boredom — but I don’t want to do that anymore.  Not interested in doing that with my time.  So I need to find other things.

I did go to the supermarket to rent a movie today, but the machine was out of order.  That was shitty.

So again I will walk around the neighborhood, like a tool.

G-d this shit is so boring.

But I’ll be grateful for this time, because I know what it is…. time for me to rest for when life gets really busy — and also time for me to CONSCIOUSLY plan out this part of my life.  What I want to be doing with my life…

Because again, I feel I’m going to get real busy in a month or two or a few months and then all of this, new routines, etc will be put into place.

So better for me to plant the energy now, know what I want to do with my free time, and take it from there.

I’m thinking about the learning thing again… and I also feel that time is over for me too.  No more learning, time for me to be in my own “stuff”

I think now it’s more of an interest to do creative endeavors, than mind ones.

Attending the open mike came to mind again, but that’s a charge… and again, I’m being cautious these days — I really feel I have to be.

PS:  I told one of my neighbor friends that I am in the process of moving to LA and she told me I’m a brave woman — and that if she can help me in any way, she will.  I thought that was really kind of her.  She was worried about where I would stay, etc and if I know anyone out there — and told me not to go out there unless I had a place to live.  (She’s a bit older, maybe in her 60s and she worries a lot) — I told her I was being responsible about it and that she could pray for me rather than worry.  I told her I was getting my finances together, saving up to go out there and she said that she can’t help me with money (it was funny cause I wasn’t asking her for anything… we had a long conversation) but she said that if I need food, to just come over and she’ll give me food.  That was really funny – and really sweet.  I think I’m going to thank her again for such a kind gesture when I see her again this week.  (We pass one another and talk when we walk our dogs) 🙂