April 8, 2013

I’ve been feeling a bit annoyed about one of my students today.  I realize how I’ve been tolerating things with them that I am happy it has come to the surface.  I think it all happened with that comment “Blaire’s all business” — that was the final straw for me.

And thank g-d for that.

I am done with students who criticize.  Students who sit and listen to me talk, all while mulling it over and deciding if what I’m saying is correct or not — and then make comments like “I know that already”

I have heard that from this student a million times.  A million times.  And it’s stuck out to me each time.  No, you don’t know it because you’re not using it in your life.

But that’s not my issue.  My issue is how it has been effecting me.

It’s the same energy of my family of origin.

The criticizing, the judging, the high expectation – the expectation of perfection.

Now these things happen in such subtle ways.  This has to do with that person’s stuff.

How they were raised and the junk that they carry.

And I used to accept clients around me that were like this.

Who had answers for me.  Who were a “tough crowd” — and although one of my last posts said, thank g-d for these open people to come to events, how g-d has been protecting me… it’s also really been showing me that these were the people I’ve been attracting.

These were the people I have been allowing into my world.

So now I am clearing that out.

By no coincidence, this person’s private sessions are coming to an end.

They said they want to continue but can’t financially continue right now.

Okay, that’s fine.

This is about clearing out that past.

If they do continue, there are new rules to how I work.  To what I allow.  I don’t know if this person will be a match for me and the new way I work.  I guess we’ll just see.  They’ll have to show up differently, because I am showing up differently.

I used to allow these students to work with me because I didn’t have a million people requesting to work with me.  I settled.  Maybe I felt desperate.

I also allowed it cause I saw myself in them.  I was there, kind of, somewhat.

But the judging and criticizing, yes I have gone through periods of that and I still do. But I never used to go around to teachers, non stop and say “I already know that”

Cause if I already know that – I wouldn’t come back.

Why does this person keep coming back if they know everything I am already saying?

They don’t trust their intuition… and blah blah blah, I’m not going into that here.

This is about not allowing this in my life anymore.

I also worshipped my teachers and healers.  I would tell others about them.  I would tell them all the time how brilliant I thought they were (literally) — so why have I in the past attracted and accepted students who seem like this tough crowd?  Who don’t openly and frequently appreciate?

For years I have attracted critical people.  Judgmental people.  People who “know it all” — and yes, that has been me too — and yes, that was reflecting my childhood with family members, but I see it clearly now.  And no more.

These people who don’t appreciate me.

People who want me to give them more — and more — and more.

Oh g-d, I’m so done with it.

You want me to give you more?  To be your friend?  Even after all the changes I’ve already helped you through — BIG HUGE CHANGES in these past 2 months?

It’s absolutely totally unrealistic and crazy.

My clients should be totally thankful.  Screaming my name from buildings. Renewing without thinking about it.  Sending droves of friends my way.

But they don’t.

And they never have.

Instead, they’re on me with the price.

They’re trying to get MORE info packed into each session.

They’re wanting to email me or making comments like “Blaire is all business” either saying this aloud or through their energy cause I feel them being mad, angry at me.  (This was only one person who said this to me — but other people have definitely tried to get more out of me with the sessions).

This is not about me giving you more.

This is about YOU giving yourself more.

You have to want it.

And that’s the clients I am accepting now.

No more tough clients.  No more needy clients.

People who appreciate me, appreciate the time I spend with them, appreciate the value I offer, and appreciate the changes they receive in the time they work with me.

Just because I can help that demo and because they really need it and because I used to be there – doesn’t mean I need to continue with these people.

Cause I don’t.

I’m not doing it anymore.

Someone else can struggle through that, it’s time for me to upgrade – again.