June 29, 2013

And then we have the third whammy of what’s going on.  To go clubbing or not go clubbing.

There’s a part of me that all day today has wanted to go out, dress up sexy, and flirt.  Socialize.

I’ve actually been feeling antsy about it for weeks.  (Socializing)

But then I start thinking about doing it and there’s a total distaste.

And again I think it has to do with being in Florida — and being around the crowd that I am.

The thought of going somewhere local, cause I can’t be bothered to drive too far… is a total turn off.

To go through the bother of getting dressed up, doing my hair — you know, giving a fuck — and then only to find 1) no one interesting to talk to  2) dirt bags / disgusting guys  or 3) much older guys, who are again disgusting.

There’s just no interest.

I really feel so weird in this area.  I totally don’t belong here anymore.

Totally have outgrown it.

And I was thinking — is it because I am uncomfortable going somewhere on my own… I used to go clubbing / bars / lounges all the time on my own…

And I thought maybe it was that for awhile, but I think it just has more to do with, the desire to flirt with eligible, sexy, interesting men and not being interested in people here.  At all….

So then there’s this sadness that comes over…

I have karaoke on my mind for Monday, right around the corner.

And open mic on wednesday…

Please let me get my ass there.

And interestingly enough, during the week I don’t feel this desire to socialize.

It just comes on the weekends when I am relaxed.  Otherwise my mind is focused on work…

But oh man, who knows.

This again.

This cycle.

And that’s where I go into boredom.  The not wanting to deal.

But hey, at least I went to the toy store today and that was fun.  Got myself a hula hoop… and goggles for the ocean… and rented a bunch of kids cartoons from the library.

Guess that’s what I’m doing tonight.

Yet another night on my couch.

Uck, so fucking boring.  Aloneness.

I’ve totally outgrown this life.  I’m soo ready for my new adventures in LA.

So ready for my new life.

But I’m in between….

Please help me.  Please help.  The boredom feels like such torture at times.  Like now — so let me get off the computer and cook some food.  Bored of that shit too.  Uck.