November 3, 2012
In preparing to release the next video I made I have been noticing things about myself when it comes to how I run my business. I’ve noticed these before, but let’s just say I didn’t want to look at them. I didn’t want to admit it to myself.
So what’s one of these realizations?
Well, I notice I carry this “needy” vibe.
Yep. Oh crap. Embarrassing.
But hey, not too embarrassing cause I’m sharing it here with you guys.
I’m sharing it because, guess what? In now bringing awareness to it, I’m able to deal with it and yes, heal it.
This makes me think of one of my usual talks with private students when they are carrying the needy vibe when it comes to a guy or girl they like.
A conversation about rushing into a relationship… when it would be wiser for them to slow it down, make sure they are really getting to know the person, and not just merging with someone due to their anxiety or insecurities.
Well, guess what? Lil ‘ol me is doing just that when it comes to running my business.
Needy.
Needy Mc’Blairester.
Yep. That’s me 🙂
Now, why do I say this? I say it because again today I am thinking and wondering about “When am I going to put out that next video? And will I put out that next video?” and all that other shit… the doubts and worries that I have been going through with this new line of work I am teaching about.
Spirit told me yesterday and the day before and the day before to HOLD ON THE VIDEO.
To wait.
And yes, I’ve agreed to do that. Yet day after day after day I’m thinking about this g-d damn video and whether I should put it out to the world or not.
Oh man! 🙂
So the time has come that I’m admitting it to me… to you.. to the world (well, maybe not to the world) – but to me. And that’s the most important person that I admit it to… myself.
I was asking myself, “Blaire, why do you want to put out this video so soon? You just put out that other video just a few days ago. Why can’t you wait a week for the next video to be sent out? Let people miss you. Let people meet you 1/2 way. Let people come to you. Stand your ground. Stand in your power.”
“Why is it so hard for you to do this?”
And the answer was…. fear. anxiety. Fear that no one will miss my emails. No one will miss my videos. Fear that no one cares…. about me.
Insecurities that people don’t value my work.
Insecurities that I am not touching people’s lives.
Insecurities that I don’t matter.
But this isn’t true. It’s my insecurity talking. It’s my little self. My ego that says, you must keep doing… you must keep striving…. you must keep trying… in order to bring your business to the next level and make your big dreams come true.
It’s the fear that I’m doing this all on my own.
Fear that Spirit is not helping me.
Fear that I don’t matter.
And this couldn’t be further from the truth…. so it’s time that I stop this thinking.
Yes, have compassion for myself in this realization. Give myself love. And just let it be.
Address each thought as it comes up with a “Blaire, you do matter… Blaire, people do miss you…. Blaire, you are making a difference… Blaire, you’re work is good…. Blaire, you are helping people.”
And that’s it. Realizing the needy vibe and doing something different. Being compassionate and loving with myself and totally, 100% connected to Spirit.
Amen.
PS: I may add right here, that as I was thinking these thoughts out on my walk with my dog, that I came home to write this post and checked my email. There it was, my 2nd member to the site had just registered. That right there, confirmation from Spirit I am on the right path. Thank you. Each one of our adventures truly is magical. Thank you g-d. I love this stuff.