March 9, 2013

I can feel the jealousy welling up.  Some of the members in my writer’s group — well, no, actually just 2 people I think.  I’ve had issues with some of the members of this group.  One was fighting me for power.  Weird.  Fucking weird.  It’s a writing group — not a place for control or some weird shit.  But this person continued on and my decision was just to back away.  Back away from the drama, who gives a shit — I have other things to take care of, like WRITING my bestselling book.

But anyway, I worked out this deal with this amazingly successful author and he’s coming because of me.  Because I was guided to reach out to him, because of the email I wrote to him, because of my energy, and on and on.

I’m so fucking excited!!

But funny, cause as this was happening, I could feel caution coming over me.

Here I am super excited, but I’m feeling like “oh no, I hope they don’t ruin this for me”

And what a crazy thought.

This is to benefit us all.  And I realize at this point two things 1)  When I step into my power, when I get excited, I have fear of people close to me taking me down.  Telling me no.  Ruining the excitement for me.  I see this with my parents.  How they caution me about things and I always feel shitty after I tell them good news.

and 2) this is reflecting back in people from my writer’s group.  Fear of them trying to step in and control the show.  Take over this organization.  Paranoia that they’ll contact him and try to move in on my gig.  Good noticings.  Good to notice them now with this, take care of it, to allow more good things to come in.

But I’m standing my ground.  This is my accomplishment.  I did this.  It’s safe for me to be in my power.  It’s safe for me to take initiative.  It’s safe for me to be the leader I am.

I should not be concerned or worry about other people’s ego or insecurities.

So I sent the note out to my writing group.  To celebrate my success and proudly announce what I’ve done.

I’m keeping my energy high.  Happy.  And joyful.  I’m going to eat lunch and head out for a walk.  Celebrate with my Magic and nature… and to daydream some more!!