April 27, 2013

I felt it was important for me to share with you the email I sent to one of my students, the one I was having boundary and energy issues with — it was the final straw for them… and the most empowering thing I could have done for myself (well one of them along my path)

You see when I post on Facebook, this student has been seeing it in their feed.  This is pretty normal since Facebook is not private.  But then this student will go and comment on my comments to someone else…. you know, like spying / stalkerish stuff.. in my eyes, inappropriate.

You may see someone else posting on Facebook but you don’t try to get yourself in the conversation when it’s between just them and one other person.  That’s just strange.

So I posted on one of my friends posts yesterday — and then I got the intuition that this person was going to post there too… I laughed to myself cause I said, that’s funny and I guess I thought that wasn’t going to happen, cause it was just crazy.

And yes, two minutes later, they post.

This time rather than overlooking it, like I’ve done several times before when they’ve commented in an even more private manner… again, a private interaction between me and someone else on their wall… this person has responded too.  It’s just totally uncomfortable.

In the past I overlooked it — said to myself, they’re just trying to be nice.  They want to help.  They’re lonely… and also, I knew it had to do with wounding.  So again, I overlooked it… like so many of us healers/sensitive people do because we can feel the pain of others.

But this is no longer okay.  I had to say something.  Stand up for myself, and I did.  (This person didn’t like it…)

I wrote them an email on Facebook.  This is what it said

“I see you are following where I post. Facebook is funny like that, nothing is private — yet (person’s name), it’s kind of strange for someone to follow your posts and comment on the same things that you do. You’ve done this a few times where I’ve posted and I want to let you know it makes me very uncomfortable.”

That was it.  Firm, no drama.  Stating how I feel.

Now maybe this sits uncomfortable to you?  Blog about it if it does.  This is good processing for you.  And this used to sit uncomfortable for me as well, since I saw my role as a healer to be there for someone, comfort them, make them feel alright, not to trigger them or upset them — but I was doing this too much and at my own expense.  Not sharing firmly enough with them my boundaries. It was inappropriate in my eyes what they were doing.  It was making me feel uncomfortable.  Stalkerish.  Clingy energy.  Again, this is wounding on their part — but by my overlooking it and making excuses for them is not helping them in their healing.  It’s not helping them see how they are making others feel.

A healer is there to support, but not at their own expense of having their boundaries stepped all over.

In any event, this upset and triggered them.  They wrote me back that they were sorry, they didn’t mean too — and a whole long email about how they’ve been feeling uncomfortable around me for a long time, etc.

This discomfort feeling was one they expressed to me in almost every session — and I have it in my notes from even their first session.  It wasn’t me making them feel uncomfortable, this was their pattern of having anxiety around women.  Issues with their mother.  Female figures in their life.

Again, it’s deep patterns — but this was a new package and more time needed to go into this.

For their sessions we worked on finding their true self, and that we accomplished.

So when I sent this email and got theirs back, I got anxious and fearful of retaliation.  This is past life stuff that I have been clearing out.

I don’t think this person would do any retaliation.  I had fear of them sharing what was posted on this blog… my private thoughts… although past thoughts, as by the time you read it I have already cleared it all out and healed it so it’s no longer a sore spot for me… but I noticed my fear after this happened.

Again, past life stuff.  Past life stuff of if you speak up, you are going to get hurt.

I’m sure you have this going on in you too.  It’s common amongst us lightworkers and sensitive folks.

So I feel happy because this is what brought me more of my personal power.  To stop being controlled by one of my students subtle manipulation (there was other things going on) — and happy because this is what brought me to my next level of awareness and being in my life… but also sad / sorry for my student because they are running from their uncomfortable feelings, like they always have been, rather than going deeper to explore what is really going on.

They are afraid.

And again, this is something we started to work on — but they kept burying stuff, too scared to go deeper.

That’s okay.  Everyone in their own time… and I also know that this is not that one person wins and another loses.  They are receiving valuable insights and healing through this process too… I know that for sure, because this is one of the main things I taught them during our time together and this is something that I saw them implementing on a regular basis.  So this makes me know they will be okay and this makes me proud of them, for what they learned – and me for what I taught them.



PS:  I would have never done something like this in the past… and that’s why I never did.  This took a lot of personal growth and healing on my part to have this much courage and strength and power within myself.  Huge stuff here.