June 14, 2013

I just had the best dream — I want to remember this one forever.

The dream was this:

This guy had come to visit from Georgia and he was staying at our house (our house, meaning my mom and dad’s house – my brother and I were living there too).

I think this guy was my brother’s friend from college or something.

Anyway, the first night he is over he sleeps in my room.  I guess there were two beds and this guy is put in my room.  (not sure why he’s not put in with my brother).

The next morning, I hear how he has complained that I snored or something when I was sleeping. My mom tells me I will be moved to my brother’s room (actually, at this point I don’t think my brother is home / sleeping there.  Now I’m not sure who this guy is.  Doesn’t matter – that’s not the point).

So she tells me I’m going to move and sleep in my brother’s room.

I’m really upset about this.  I’m annoyed.  Frustrated.  This, I’m reminded are my usual feelings when dealing with my mom or my family.  (I’m remembering this as I am watching and in the dream).

This guy, I’m told by her, will sleep in my room.

I’m upset again.

I tell my mom, actually at this point, I’m pleading with her, whining (again, I’m watching this happen, and again it reminds me this is the normal transaction between my mom and/or my parents and me)

Why can’t he sleep in my brother’s room and I stay in my own room?

It doesn’t make sense.

She doesn’t care.  This is what is going to happen.  I snore, she knows it’s disturbing, I’m out of the room.

Then she tells me he is going to use my car.  This now reminds me (me observing the dream) of when I was in high school when I was driving my Honda Civic, it was a car they gave to me, so I felt I had no power or control over it since it was a gift.  They could give it, they could take it away.

I’m upset about him using my car.  I don’t want him too. Again, I plead or whine with my mom.  She is not listening to reason.  She doesn’t care.  I tell her he can use my brother’s car, he’s his friend.  It doesn’t have to be mine.  I tell her that he can drive his car up here from Georgia, that that’s what I would do.  I don’t want to give my car.  What am I going to drive?  How am I going to go anywhere?

She doesn’t care.  She shows no emotion.  I’m thinking, what a total bitch.

She says, you don’t even use your car.  You walk everywhere.

He has places to go, he has a lot of things to do here.  Maybe if you had friends, you’d have a need to use your car.

This time (now this is adult Blaire watching the dream) I am onto her.

Little Blaire, teenage Blaire, says to herself how unfair this is — just because I care about the environment and I prefer to walk places I’m being punished?  My car is being taken away from me?

Just because I don’t have a desire to hang out with others, I’m being dissed and deemed as having no friends?

The no friends thing is something she’s been throwing in my face for years.  I’m pretty sure I’ve written about it on here in the past.

I’m really upset.  Confused.  Upset again.  She’s taking things away from me to punish me, because I’m not like her.  She doesn’t get it.  She doesn’t care to get it.  She can’t see things from another standpoint.  I’m thinking again, what a bitch.  This is totally unfair.

And now this is where the dream takes a turn for the absolute BEST.  VICTORY!

I think I went off, thought about it for a moment, now I am in my ME suit.  Who I am now with the wisdom and awareness — and this is what I say to her.  (I’m not sure if I remember the exact words right now, but the point is — I STUCK UP TO HER.  AND I TOLD HER SHE’S NOT TAKING THESE THINGS FROM ME!!!)

I told her he can sleep in my brother’s room.

He can use my brother’s car.  He’s his friend, not mine, so he can be inconvenienced.

I am not moving my room.

He can bring his car down from Georgia.

I am not giving my car.  It’s my car and I need it.

It was something like that.  Real firm.  Hardcore power.  I felt it in my sleep.  And real determination, focus, and really a bad ass firm position.  Almost like anger in my eyes.  Protecting and standing up for myself like a mama bear would stand up for her cubs.

And then I got really happy.  I started cheering watching this dream.

I had stood up for myself.  For my different nature.  Just because I like walking places, doesn’t give her the okay to take away my car whenever she wants — like I don’t care about it, just because I choose to walk and care about the environment.  Same deal with the friends thing, just because I don’t place upon high importance hanging out and talking and being with people, doesn’t mean that I have no life and she can take away my car/things from me whenever she wants because she thinks I don’t need them — because I’m a loser. (AH!  In writing this I just got another answer about this loser thing… will write about it in the next post!! WOW)


I am FREE!

This was the new ending to the dream.  To the ongoing scenario that I think I’ve felt trapped by for years.  The being kept down by my mom.  And it all came together when I was watching this scenario and being in it, in my dream.

I was told a few months ago, did a healing around me and success.  And I was told in a past life she was the one who was very close to me and betrayed me, which ended up being a total surprise to me, and then this took away all my fame, money, success.  Something like this.  She was the one who took me down, caused me to fail and that I’ve been afraid to allow myself to succeed because I had past life memories of this that I was trying to avoid, the pain, humiliation, etc.

Well, when I had this dream this morning, there was this success, victory that went through my bones, I had overcome this!  I had overcome her — because I stood up to her.  I stood in my power.  I overpowered her.  (I guess… I think it was just a standing up for!)


So happy!

Why?  Because 1 – I think this breaks the pattern of my fear with her.  Or fear of success.

2 – I’ve been nonstop asking for help, wanting to move forward with my TV career, but been feeling at a bit of a standstill cause it’s time to get in touch with an exec and I guess I have to send out pitches, but I would rather someone contact me who likes my work… which has put me in waiting mode, which I hate that.  I wanted to take control in my hands and be active.  So again, success, this frees me.

3 – I know it frees me and now there will be movement around my TV career because my dreams have been prophetic in a way.  You have to interpret them a bit, but I’m getting the swing of things. Remember, the lizards have been showing a lot?  This has to do with reviewing your dreams before they physically manifest.  Well, to me that means my daydreams as well as my night dreams.  If you remember, I had a dream about my uncle, then a sign in the real world, then a warning 5 minutes before I bumped into him at my Nana’s place.  It manifested!

Then I had a dream about my father, had to work through some things with that, then that morning decided to mail him a card for his birthday.  It cleared!

Oh and then remember how I passed that guy on the bike who I normally get scared cause he surprises me from behind, but this time I saw him coming and I was able to again STAY IN MY POWER, put down my boundaries, and keep walking when I didn’t want to talk to him.  YES! SUCCESS.

This all happened this week!! With all of these things!!

And now with my mom, clearing that energy.  No longer being afraid.  In my power.  SUCCESS. VICTORY!  So I expect something wonderful to happen in the physical realm today, tomorrow, early next week.

It’s already happened with this dream — I feel FANTASTIC!

Also, I should add that I pulled a card yesterday that said about me accepting myself just the way I am.  Because I was dealing with some regret or not even regret, just weird feelings about not being on Facebook, doubting things not major just again an adjustment to not having it in my life… and Spirit told me again to SIMPLIFY (which was that original card that I took as a get rid of Facebook card) and SELF ACCEPTANCE — accepting myself how I am.  That I am different than others and it’s beautiful — and when I accept myself that I’m set free.  Well of course I’ve done a lot of work around this and it’s been going deeper now, but this acceptance thing came to mind last night when I was walking back from watching a turtle nest.

Let me continue this in the next post…. it’s related to this, but long I think too.