March 27, 2013

Yesterday, at times, I was battling some tentacles from the past.

I’ve done all my healing work — all the heavy lifting of past healing of wounds — but that doesn’t mean the MEMORIES of them just go away.

That’s what I’m calling the tentacles from the past (someone actually said this to me and I’m borrowing the statement from them, it makes sense)

Those old thoughts when I was really insecure

When I would constantly doubt myself

When people didn’t see my value

When people didn’t realize or believe what I had to offer

When people questioned me, or looked at me weird for what I was saying.

Feeling like people don’t like me.

Or people thinking that I’m annoying.

Or people thinking that I’m desperate when I post or send out my newsletter.

All these things.

Memories when I failed (or rather) things didn’t work out the way I wanted… but the way they were meant to be, for lessons — well, those thoughts still come up.

The “I’ve done that already and it didn’t work…’

The “I dont want to spend my energy or time on that because it didn’t work out before”

That thought of people on my mailing list don’t buy

Or the thought of I hate people

Or that people don’t listen to me

Notice me

Take me seriously

Pay me

And on and on.  I need to be vigilant now in working to keep those tentacles from the past — in the past.  I have been using more tools and praying a lot to help remove these things from the past.

The old thoughts, the old memories, the old failures, the old pain, the old suffering, the old everything.

This is a new me.  I’m new, I’m different, I’m healed.  Things work out for me now.  I’ve paid my time, now it’s time to celebrate, move forward, and rejoice in living the life I’ve always dreamed of.

Again, you would think it’s just an easy thing of “I accept my future”  ” I accept my success” but I’ve been doing a lot of work on it… at least I had to yesterday at times when my mind was negative and crappy.

I hope that’s over, but I have my tools on hand to use so I can move forward successfully.  I’m ready for this.  I deserve all of this.  Let’s do it!