March 22, 2014
I notice that men (as a whole) don’t expect women to speak back to them. Or to speak up to them. Or to put them in their place.
I notice this is one of the places I’ve been holding myself back.
Certain men will look at me funny — I can intuitively pick up their sexual thoughts / feelings about me. This is unacceptable.
Yes, of course it’s okay to have certain feelings but you need to be able to take control of yourself, look the other way, and not be creepy about it. But many men are. (I’ve found this in South Florida by older men, it’s disgusting)
So I’ve been standing up to men lately. It’s been a journey — a progression but I’ve been noticing it a lot and I’m very proud of myself.
There was that incident a few months ago where this guy in my neighborhood was creepy and trying to pull a power trip over me — I told him off. (and was scared afterwards, but that has sense left… I asserted my power)
I stood up to that warrior guy who was scaring me a bit with something “angry” or “sinister” about his energy — I stood in that conversation and kept my power. That was good. He even remarked that I’m more powerful than him and he backed down…
Then there is that guy in my neighborhood who is creepy, I don’t like his energy at all with his dog and I told him the other day to back away with his dog. He gave me a weird look — I told him again to get away (politely but firmly) — and that was taken care of. Yesterday I saw this guy again and crossed the street so I didn’t need to pass him with our dogs sniffing/trying to play etc. and that awkwardness again. I stood up for myself.
And then the other day I was in B&N waiting in line to pick up a book and this perverted man turned in line and was staring at me. Not even trying to hide it — and I was like “can I help you with something” — and he said, no all embarrassed and kept staring — I looked at him again and then walked away to take care of what I needed to.
So I’ve been doing it.
Oh, and one more.
This guy wrote me an email yesterday — complimenting, praising me, but also doing some backhanded comments. I wrote him back something firm telling him he had no idea what my work is or what I stand for. He wrote me back that he was sorry, I took it wrong and he won’t contact me again.
Again, I do see how men don’t think women will answer them back.
I know as a woman I was always taught to back down with my father. Something that happened last weekend — where once again I did NOT shut up because my father was uncomfortable with something I was saying or doing — I told him to basically shove it.
And now he’s pissed. There’s a disconnect in my family again with me and my parents. But I don’t care. Fuck that. This is me, you can’t shut me up or tell me what to do anymore.
I think generally in our society women let men run around unaccountable, acting like assholes, saying and doing stupid shit and women’s role is to be quite, loving, and accept.
I notice that my work – a part of it – has been working with men — teaching boys how to become men.
I smile, because this is something I used to say when I was younger that someone needed to do — suggesting / joking around that I knew how to do it.
Well, apparently I do know how to do it.
Feeling fantastic and powerful. As I should be.