April 10, 2013

I keep thinking about this thing with one of my students.  I wish it would just stop! 🙂

So my concern is that all this stuff comes across like I am shaming them.

And I don’t want to do that.

My concern about bringing this up to them is that it will come across as shaming them, and again, I don’t want to do that.

I don’t to make them feel bad.  They’ve felt bad enough.

And again, my teachers have never brought up anything about my behavior in the past, so why would I do this with a student?  It feels wrong.

But then again, none of my teachers is me.  None of my teachers specializes in relationships.  I never had a relationship with any of my teachers like I have with my students.  It’s way more intimate.

So ugh.

And I see how this is a pattern of letting people control me, subtly.  Very subtly.

And I know this person’s behavior is the way it is because they are wounded too.

I’m grateful for this experience although I wish I could 1) stop thinking about it 2) figure out how to handle it already, when ignoring it is no longer an option and 3) move on.

This person is not “bad”

And neither am I for being upset about it.

I see how I let it go on for too long.  That’s my fault, my lesson.  I wasn’t ready to confront it and stop it in its tracks.  I know how to do that now.  I know to do that now — cause if not, it will turn into this, and I don’t want to do this again with a student.