April 12, 2013

So the energy is settling from all the build up that’s been going on with one of my students.  I still feel a bit annoyed about the person’s actions but I know it’s really about ME not setting boundaries.  Not bringing it to light earlier – and I should have been more firm from the get go and when the person didn’t get the message the first, second and third time to talk about it right then about the controlling-ness (I made up this word) and neediness that they were putting forth.

Right now I want to let this person enjoy their new level of awareness and let them enjoy the twinkles of their True Self – to enjoy it – for their first time ever.

This relationship stuff – the control, neediness, plus other stuff that’s going on there is heavy stuff.  It’s deep.  There’s a lot going on there – it’s going to be emotional and there’s no way I want to go there in the very few sessions that are left.  It’s just not enough time and it doesn’t make me feel good to leave them like that, nor will it feel good to them to be “abandoned” (not like I’m abandoning, they decided to not continue at this time).

This is a new program and another 3 month or more commitment, although I’m sure the way I work (Spirit works through me) it’ll be cleared up in this time or at least the good chunk that needs to be.

So this new package is something relationship oriented.  Relationship Intimacy.  I need to put up a new package.

I’ve come to peace with refunding the remaining sessions — but in meditating and contemplating it I don’t think this is the way to go.  I think this person could use an extra session for support.  They always want more time to talk and work through things, so this could be it.

I support them more with my therapy skills than with the deep digging / healing mode that I’m normally in.  I can do that.  I’m trained to do that.

I also see it as a “sacred contract” I agreed with them and I want to honor that.  I will restructure stuff and do it differently in the future.  That’s on my to-think-about list for later.

My concern at this point is that this person is going to push me into doing in person sessions with the remaining ones they have left.  Again more control stuff, but I can understand the upset cause they paid for sessions however they want it.

I can’t – I won’t let my students control or pressure me and there has been past experiences of this – since they are in the power position paying the money.

I’m going to have to go back to having students sign agreements for all my programs, not just some of them like now.  It’s going to have to be clear in there that this is their goal – and it’s at my discretion or whether they are in person, phone, Skype is most beneficial to them and it will change throughout as we deal with more sensitive issues, the energy I’m picking up, etc.

This all makes sense to me. And it’s an honoring of my gifts and my feelings too.  Plus it’s TRUE, the energy is changing and sometimes it’s really awkward to be in person.

Cause if the energy I’m picking up is uncomfortable – I want to focus on them, helping them, not the energy that’s being discharged and cleared.

I want to help them heal the imbalance and I’d like to do that in a way that doesn’t make me feel totally uncomfortable.  I don’t need to be witness to certain emotions they have — I bare witness to a lot, but there are certain things I don’t need to see and feel and hear.

Being a healer and spiritual person I feel a ting of “you should get past your triggers” “suck it up” – but I have gotten over my trigger with this person – you’ve seen that in my previous posts – I have clarity with this – this is where I am now and I know in my heart it’s the right thing for me to do.

Thank you so much for these lessons, teachings and gifts.