November 10, 2012

When you start on this path it can get a bit lonely.  That of solitude.  The life of a hermit.

Many of my private students talk to me about how they don’t have many friends or none at all.  This is something I can relate to as neither do I.  The friends I have are ones that I’ve outgrown.  They are people I know, but not the closeness like we used to.  I have no desire for it.

Many times I will hear my students talk about how they want friends.  How they are lonely or they feel that something might be wrong with them because they spend so much time alone.

I have been there as well.  Those thoughts will still pop up for me from time to time as well.

But recently I have been making friends.  I realize that I actually make “friends” everywhere I go.  I’m a friendly, outgoing person.  But these friendships I make now are different than those I’ve had in the past.

I used to think something was wrong with me or wrong with these types of friendships, but now I accept them (and me) for what they are.

My relationships with people now are friendly, but non-attached.  I would call them more like acquaintances than friends.  The title of “friend” is overly used and misused in our society.  When most people say friend, it’s really an acquaintance.

I realize that I’m more of an acquaintance type of person.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t like the person, it just means that I only choose to bring a few really close to me.  I used to see this as being different or weird (people would say that to me) but now I see it as perfectly normal.  Natural and healthy.

I don’t care to tell everyone my “secrets” – I don’t care to hear others private stuff either.

Yes, I do this for my business, but when I am hanging out in my free time, fun and lightness is what I care to enjoy.  I don’t want to hear about their problems and I don’t want to be in a position of giving them advice.  I just want to enjoy and play.  The lightness that comes with having an acquaintance.

Throughout your lifetime there will probably only be a few people with whom you form a deep bond with.  The who really know you and you them.

Some of my recent acquaintances have given me the opportunity to exchange numbers with them and to make plans.  I initially went for it, but then later realized I didn’t want to be bothered.  I will see them when I go back to that location I met them at or I won’t.  Non-attachment.  Going with the flow.  Staying in the love.  If we are meant to hang out, we will.  If our life goes in different directions then that will happen as well.  No big deal.  There are plenty of people to go around.  Plenty of friendly faces and plenty of those to make conversation with.

Many people get wrapped up in the longing of wanting friends.  Wanting someone to hang out with, to be close to, because we see others doing it and we think we are missing out.

If this is you, have you ever stopped to examine if you really even want this?  Or are you running on automatic pilot (and programming)?  Fear based thoughts?  The fear of missing out or being told you are strange, a hermit, and that something is wrong with you…

Personally, I really like hanging out with myself.  I’m proud to say I’m my own best friend.

Besides me, there is my dog.  I love him with all of my heart.  He keeps me company and we have fun together.

In addition to us, there’s my friends in nature and spirit friends.  You can’t see these friends I have with my physical eyes (at least not usually) but they are always there with me.  They are always there by my side.  How do I know?  I talk to them constantly.

You can too.

Sure sometimes I feel the desire for a human friend to go somewhere with me or to play tennis.  But most of the time I’m happy on my own.

I realize now that I’m more of an introvert.  Happy pursuing my hobbies and my personal interests.  And yes, most of those things are solo activities.

I also realize about myself that most of my life is dedicated to my mission.  Studying for it.  Healing for it.  Preparing myself for it.  Although others have put me down for this in the past, I realize that this truly is a blessed life.  To have such a calling and such a desire to share with the world.  This takes energy.  A huge amount of energy that needs to be built up for this and to be conserved.

Friends… people… can be a distraction.  They can drain your energy and take you off your path.  They can have needs that you feel you need to help them with.  Friendship takes up time.

This has been my path and it’s my journey.  I’m not saying it’s better or worse that what someone else’s experience is, I’m just saying that I have been coming to peace with it – that I’m different – and that that is special.

It doesn’t have to be one or the other – but again, this has been my decision and my journey.

I wanted to share this with you to help you along your way.  Maybe you are going through the same feelings?  Maybe this helps you have some realizations.

Our society puts a big emphasis on being with people and having friends.  We are taught that something must be wrong with you if you don’t have the desire to hang out with others or be with them all the time.

I wonder if this “be with people all the time” is truly our natural way of being or natural tendency or if it was something that was drilled into us by fear and anxiety.

What if being on your own was the normal way of being… the true way of being — and being with others so much was actually the “wrong” way to do life?  The way to be distracted and the way to lose oneself?

I know personally, it’s easier for me to hear my own inner voice and the voice of Spirit when I am on my own.  I like these relationships, I value them and honor them.  I get cranky when I am with others for too long.  I lose my grounding.

What is truth for you?  Are you seeking out friends because you truly want them?  Or because you want to avoid feeling like there is something wrong with you because you don’t have any (or many)?  A good thing to journal about…. 🙂