March 6, 2014
Yesterday I drove over an hour deep into the heart of Miami.
Went to an appointment.
Then drove around South Beach.
Then back home, stuck in traffic and it took over 2 hours.
I came home tired but woke up exhausted.
I’m resting today. Slowing down… again.
I think this happens to switch me out of my old way of being. Being okay with being. That I’m still worthy if I’m “being” and not “doing.”
I am worthy just for who I am. No more demands. No more have-tos. Let myself be loved, nurtured and lead by Spirit.
This morning I woke up and money had come through.
Spirit is providing for me. Effortlessly. Easily.
I give myself permission to be.
I’m going to sit out by the pool and relax. I feel the desire to take a bath. To get a massage.
There was no availability today with the massage so I will do the other things. Hopefully.
Sometimes – usually – my mind talks me out of it.
Let me eat well and relax.
Stop all the thinking. Stop all the doing. And just BE.
Let myself move from one phase of my life — one way of being — into the new me.
Also I should share that over these days of rest — that I’ve been going through for maybe two weeks now — there’s been a review going on in my head — letting the thoughts come through, looked at and let go — of my past.
I wonder why there’s a need for me to review all of these things…I am very introspective as it is.
Oh, I just realized….. this time I notice the item and I let it go. I don’t let myself get stuck there.
I don’t stay there. I let it float by.
Maybe these things need to clear through — like a movie, images passing by — so it takes you to the present moment and beyond. Clearing them through one last time… ?
Who knows. G-d knows and in time I will too.
PS: I find it also interesting that this tiredness came through when I was thinking this morning that I “should” go to a networking event to stir up some business. I know this must have contributed to the heaviness. I was weighing in my head if it was a resistance because I was fearful of putting myself out there or because I really didn’t want to go.
I didn’t come to a conclusion with that — but it does feel like heaviness and demand. Not really that I want to go — but a requirement, that I should. That’s exactly what needs to be released. The old way of being — forcing myself to produce. This is the thoughts and the actions that exhaust me. Let it go… let it go.
Doing a lot of conscious breathing today.