June 26, 2013

I’m resisting the temptation to settle with this TV project.  My dream.

The temptation is to see this tv exec I spoke to twice as my one and only shot.

And I noticed how I got into that thought process again yesterday – and maybe again today.

But I’m not doing that.

I want to work with someone that will answer my emails when I write.  Who will answer my questions.  Who understands my vision (to produce and host it) and helps me make it happen.

I get the impression that this tv exec wants an idea that’s already there and good to go.

That wants someone who will just be the talent and he can pass it off.  Easy, simple, maybe the usual deal he works out.

I really don’t know — these are assumptions from what I’ve observed and viewing from my current perspective/judgments/beliefs.

But all of this doesn’t matter.

What matters is that I stay committed and connected — and loyal — to my vision.

And I have a specific role – specific ROLES — I want to be playing in this project and it’s up to me to stay loyal to that.

So one minute I will go into the thought process of — “oh I’m lucky to have this guy, I can pitch him whenever I want” (which isn’t even true… I pitch him when he decides to call/respond.

But then the next minute — the thought is “g-d will bring me someone else.  another opportunity will come – another opportunity for someone to pitch, a tv exec — something better”

So I will be patient and stay committed to the bigger desire of what I want.

This again, reminds me so much of the dating process.

How I was so focused on my ex because he was marriage material.  He was going to get me to that end goal of what I wanted — to be married.

Of course there was more to it than that, but I’m keeping it simple.

And that’s the same deal that could be looked out here — this tv exec, he can get me to the end goal of what I want — my own tv show.

But I learned from that lesson, being married.  It has to be the right person and the right journey — an enjoyable journey — an easy journey — along the way.

And it wasn’t that way with my ex (of course we had plenty of really nice moments and I selectively chose to overlook the things I wasn’t happy about)

And I notice my intuition and body perking up here with this guy — there are some moments that I don’t feel 100% really good about this guy, trusting, etc..

And I need to honor that.  And I will.

I sent him an email asking how I would present to him to ensure consulting producer credit — and haven’t heard back yet.

Maybe he’ll reply, maybe he’ll just ignore.

This all tells me stuff — and I agree to let it go… release control and trust.

This is the time when I go through what i was going through earlier this week / last week — of trying to contact other people, it not working so well, not getting anywhere — and then being told to wait by spirit – working on something else — maybe feeling a bit down about not being able to physically do anything anymore… etc.

And it brought me around to this guy again.  So I don’t know.  It’s easy to get caught up in this and to disregard how you are feeling.

The questioning of it.

The confusion about is this me sabotaging? or maybe this is how the industry is and how people are out there…

But then I speak to this consultant lady, who used to be an exec for a big studio — and she’s so helpful, gets back to me right away, and I instantly trust her.  I love her energy.

But then again one may say — she is there to provide help and work with you, as a paid consultant (I haven’t hired her yet, although I would like to meet with her)

And this other guy is someone who’s still working in the industry and feels he is the valuable one, has “millions of people pitching him each day” (his words) and there’s this busy and ego energy.  Understandably.

And maybe this woman was like that too – when she was working in that role… again, which now she’s not.

So keeping this open ended.  I will mediate, pray, and do some channeled writing.

Really feeling an urge to more deeply connect with Spirit tonight.

Thank you.