January 8, 2013

I have been realizing and then re-realizing over this last year.. and then again reminded of it this and last week how I have an addiction to sadness, feeling sorry for myself, pitying myself, and going into the thoughts that take me down.

Like…. things will never get better.

Questioning whether what I’m doing is really working (which goes along with questioning my intuitive guidance, not trusting, not surrendering, and not staying in strong confidence and faith in myself and Spirit)

Yesterday I was feeling sad.  It was an off day.  Sure, this is generally okay, but I have been noticing again how it’s a habit.  A bad habit.  A bad cycle.  An addiction.

I also have realized that this is a multi-generational addiction, passed from family member to the next.  Many times when we are dealing with emotional addictions they are passed down from family member to family member for GENERATIONS.

So when we want to break one of these habits… aka, addictions, you have to just realize that this is something that you are up against that has been done for generations.
Be kind to yourself when you do this.

So this addiction to sadness….

I see how it’s taking me out.

I will have days of high vibration, happy, excited, full of joy and knowing and anticipation that great things are happening.

And then I’ll have this dump day.  A day where I’m tired — which then turns into sadness, feeling down on myself and my life and yes, my career.  Ugh.

I knew it yesterday when I was having it.  I tried to distract myself – but NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

Oh man, well there’s the pressure.  Forget that.  I’m not beating myself up over that either.

I will create a plan to do better next time…. to have tools in place that support me better.

I realize that this is part of the “problem” with my manifestations coming or not coming.

Again, we’re talking about discipline here.

Discipline to pull myself out of a sad and bad day.  I attempted to do this yesterday – but I realize I get into this haze type feeling.  Just real weirdness.  Lack of motivation mixed with tiredness and crankiness.  I aimlessly fool around on the computer, which only serves to depress me more cause I end up seeing how great everyone else’s lives are.  That’s crappy and abusive to myself to do that.

But I can’t seem to lift myself up and out.  Can’t seem to motivate even off of the couch or out of the house.  I have to focus on that more.

It’s time for this addiction to go.  I see how it’s old and not serving me.

This is a big one.  An emotional pattern I’ve been playing out for 35 years of my life.  Some of it my stuff.  Other of it family patterning.  It’s time for that to stop being passed down from generation to generation.  It stops with me.  Right now.  Today.  I’ve noticed it enough, it’s time to proactively take care of it.

Wish me luck 🙂

PS:  These are the numbers that I’ve already received this morning…  this 888 is making more sense every day.  Today with the end of the addiction to sadness and taking myself and my desires  out.  Hurting myself.  Not doing it anymore.

888 — A phase of your life is about to end, and this is a sign to give you forewarning to prepare. This number sequence may mean you are winding up an emotional career or relationship phase. It also means there is light at the end of the tunnel. In addition it means, The crops are ripe. Don’t wait to pick and enjoy them. In other words, don’t procrastinate in making your move or enjoying the fruits of your labor.

333 — The Ascended Masters are near you, desiring you to know that you have their help, love and companionship. Call upon the Ascended Masters often, especially when you see the number 3 patterns around you. Some of the more famous Ascended Masters include: Jesus, Moses, Mary, Quan Yin and Yogananda.