February 19, 2014

I guess I’m writing on this blog again.  I think it’s important I capture key parts of this journey so you can benefit from it too — so I’m writing them here.

Lately I’ve been realizing that I have great power.

I’ve always thought I was a queen and a great leader in the past — now this is being confirmed more and more for me.

My guides seem to talk to me about it a lot.  I feel it coming through from my soul more and more.

And someone gave me an astrology reading today and mentioned it in the reading — that she feels I was a great leader in many lifetimes and that “my packaging is different now” — that my soul is the same and maybe in the past I looked more impressive or something… so maybe people took me more serious from the beginning (I added this last part) because again this has been in my head a lot.

When I do these videos on black and white dynamics I think about male and female dynamics.  I question if this stuff relates to me.  Would I be taken more serious if I was a man? Would I be further along in my career if I was a man?

I always dismiss these thoughts cause they are victim / disempowered thoughts, but I can see how this is related to what this astrologer said today — I do agree — I was probably more awe inspiring / my body / my “costume” in past lifetimes, therefore automatically or people were more inclined to listen to me.

This reading made me kind of sad today.  I cried a little and feel like doing more of it.

The astrologer confirmed things I have been thinking about — and I guess it also brought out or confirmed this struggle I’ve been feeling.  The journey of finding myself, the journey of getting into my power.

I don’t dislike the journey — I see value in it, because I know I am super powerful and I know in past lifetimes I have been a great master many, many times.  But it also feels like more effort to get to that place now — to settle into who I am — recognize it — and project it out – and I’m just feeling exhausted.

Here we go with a little of self pity… just for a short time…

I see how other people seem to have an easier time to success and I just feel sad, frustrated at times, feel bad for myself, and the exhausted feeling.

I want the riches.

The joys.

The fun.

The ease.

Instead, I feel there’s more of a journey to go.

But there will always be a journey — and we never get “there” — but again, I seem to always just want to be getting to a place where I can enjoy and live nicely with money.  I’m not asking for massive wealth and recognition off the bat, just much more than what I’m experiencing now.

Okay.. enough of that.

So the journey continues.

Yesterday I went to the zoo and today I’m laying on the couch watching my tv shows on the internet.  I haven’t watched tv in many many weeks so I have a lot of catching up to do.

I’m sure the journey is not so hard or far off or work-inducing that I am feeling like it is now — but right now, today, I’m just not in the mood.



Don’t want to be bothered.

Let me take care of myself….

And that’s just fine.

I love you Blaire.  That’s the most important.  I keep telling myself that.  I’m proud of you Blaire.  I keep telling myself that too.  Your journey hasn’t been the easiest, but it is and will get easier and you will have massive payoffs.  Keep going, you can do it.  I love you.