January 4, 2013
I notice I still have this push and pull going on inside of me. Re-visiting this again…
I had / have a desire for people to reply to my posts on Facebook or to reply to my email newsletter emails…. but then I feel annoyed, maybe like a burden, when people do reply cause I don’t always want to reply back to them and I feel this demand that I have to. That its not right if I don’t…
Then same with this new friend of mine. He’s been texting me (to my email, since I don’t use a cell phone anymore) all day long. It’s been fun talking back and forth and joking around, but then I feel this pressure to have to meet up with him each basketball game… concerns about lying where I’m going which I don’t want to do… and the desire to meet other people.
With me, there’s a big theme here always with me and that’s being free.
It’s like I want to get into these relationships, that I want to have this intimacy, but then I end up feeling locked in, trapped, suffocated.
I know this has to do with letting myself off the hook with the pressure of having to hang out with someone all the time… release the emotions they may feel if I don’t hang out with him every game… or if I don’t reply to each FB comment or email….
And it’s also related to setting up boundaries of how I form these new relationships.
Still thinking on it…. but bringing more awareness to it by writing about it…