May 2, 2013

Today I created more support for my current / soon to be / and past students.  I’ve been noticing a pattern and wanted to talk about it.  Bring it to the light, so people continue on their path.

I guess in the end, someone could say “Who gives a shit” — if they are “running for the hills” (you have to watch the video) then screw them and move on, but I do care and I want people to understand what is beneath that reaction of feeling uncomfortable around me or feeling like they don’t like me.

Later in the day I started reading my TV books again.  I got these books from the library about writing for TV and I love them.  They are really great and so much information.  It really excites me when I read them and I am instantly transported to the feeling that TV gives me (I used to work in TV) — so it gets me excited and dreaming about that feeling of doing it again.

Gets me super excited!

So after I was reading that stuff… and wondering about how I could pitch myself and what would be the next steps in being more active with getting a TV job, I opened my email.

And there was an email with the subject “I’m going to be on TV”

How awesome.  It was an email from an internet marketer which ended up being quite bogus attempt from her trying to get attention, but that’s not what matters.  It was a great sign from the Universe – for me.

Then a few hours later I received an email from this casting director I was going to film with getting back to me.  Nothing new to report there, but again it was quick movement on all of these things.

I applied to some stations for a TV host position.  It feels kind of random how I send out those emails, since I am looking for something special… but I trust — I HAVE TO trust that Spirit will put me in the right position, even if I’m not 100% sure what it is I’m pitching.

I have to admit that does sit a bit uneasy with me.  Maybe making it a bit harder to focus, but this is a fear that I need to release.

I reached out to a contact I used to have who does casting in NYC and saw a picture of TV host (someone new who’s doing TV) sprawled out on a couch and it was talking about her show.  I instantly got scared, nervous, worried, that what if that was me.  My own show.  What would I talk about?  The fear of people watching me.  Looking at me.  Scrutinizing me.  I was reminded of this interview I went on with this guy I reached out to and how I was so nervous, I was in the bathroom for literally 30 minutes before sitting down and talking with him cause I was so uncomfortable.

Again, another fear that I need to let go of.  I didn’t realize I had so many of these fears around TV.  Gracefully letting them go.  Praying Spirit helps me through this, I know they will.

So much in the unknown… what I’m pitching myself with.

Who I’m pitching too..

And then dealing with these unknown fears that are totally unconscious at times.

Praying… Knowing… I will be taken care of.  Amen.  Thank you.  Going to meditate…. been feeling a hardcore craving for it these days.