March 10, 2013

When this guy in my group, we’ll call him A plans an event, he doesn’t ask each one of us how he’ll do it — he just organizes it how he wants to.

When the leader of the group, B attempts to put on something I want to do for the group, he asks A’s opinion.  I don’t know why the fuck he gets him involved, although actually I think it’s cause last time A sent angry crazy emails having issues with what I was doing (which was already approved by the leader B)

It’s crazy shit and I don’t know if it’s coming across clear on here as to the things i have to navigate with this group.

But here’s the deal.  I need them just like they need me for this event.

And I want to do things differently.  Rather than in the past getting really pissed at the leader B and cursing him out and going ballistic cause the bullshit he was doing, constantly checking in if it was okay with A, like Mr A is his father… that’s his own issues, that guy has some control over him… I’m going to do this different.

A will probably have an issue with me interviewing this guy.  He’ll say NO, we want Q&A.  Well, you’ll get Q&A but after I am done interviewing.  I will be asking all the questions most people have anyway.  It makes it easier… plus STOP IT, I’m not explaining myself.

I don’t need A or B’s approval.  I don’t need them to tell me, okay you can do that.


That’s little kid stuff and stuff I had to do when I was young.

No coincidence that the leader B is the same sun sign as my mom, libra.

So I will just give it a day or two to reply to this guy’s email.  Let me speak to Mr A who is a jealous mother fucker and let him say he has no issues with this or whatever.

I don’t need to tell the group I will be interviewing this guy.  Just tell them he will be joining us.  Tell them there will be a book signing.  Tell them to purchase his book.  That’s it.

Ugh,  I feel like not dealing with this.  I think why can’t this be easy.  I want to release this ME vs THEM mentality and fear.    I want everyone to support me in my success and creative visions.  I want to be the leader without checking in with things I want to do with this group.  I will do these things differently this time.

Please help me…