February 19, 2014
So some more weird shit has happened again and I am fed up, exhausted with this cycle too.
I was getting busier with private clients — full speed ahead with that side of the business — but then the Dunn Trial happened and people get scared and go into that group think and don’t want to be working with a “racist” — but I’m not a fucking racist and the whole thing is ridiculous.
I posted a workshop that I’m offering tonight and no one signed up yet — again.
And this has been a pattern. A desire to want to step more into teaching — being a teacher and of course making more money — but then I offer something and no one signs up.
WHAT THE FUCK.
And I asked Spirit about this today and they said to me — well, maybe you’re not a teacher in that traditional sense.
People learn from watching you.
From hearing you speak.
From the videos.
And this is what you want anyway — for people to learn from you from TV.
So there you go…
And then my usual response about the money thing… and then that puts me in another crappy cycle of lack and frustration and blah blah blah.
So maybe I give up on offering these classes.
Or give up on them for now — or for awhile.
Clearly I’m not supposed to be doing them. Otherwise I would be doing them now.
You know, this is pretty much the same way my talks on the beach ended…. I was doing them, building a crowd, and then the Zimmerman trial — so that and talking about divine mission and people started not coming AGAIN.
One guy told me he didn’t come back because I started talking about divine mission and he didn’t know where I was going with it…. WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK. It’s all under the umbrella of spirituality. But anyway, some people just want you to talk about one subject — and I have many subjects to talk about.
Another girl got scared away because Zimmerman trial and my controversial self.
Who the fuck cares. It was low money and little crowd. Not what my vision is anyway.
So I need to do these exercises in the mirror that I already started of appreciating myself, saying I love you, and saying I see you, you’re special, and telling myself positive things I want to be known for in the world.
Keep building myself up.
Yep, more of this “shit” again.
Haha. Of course I say that in jest, as building yourself up is never “shit” — but it does feel like more “work” for me to do — when I want to sit back and enjoy and just give my commentary on TV.
In other news, Georgia has been coming to mind lately — with CNN and HLN. I have been looking at some video clips of Nancy Grace and she’s hilariously funny. I think I’m similar to her with being opinionated and funny — as well as a powerful woman — but on the other side of things. I notice how I tend to side with the defendant on trials, I have compassion and want to hear their side of the story, understand them, and give them the benefit of the doubt — where as she, and most media outlets want to vilify the defendant.
Maybe that’s the place for me, rather than NYC.
I have mirror work to do.
Speak to you later.