June 10, 2013

So the newest thing in my TV show adventures is this…. the thought that why do I need to wear a fancy gown to teach?  Isn’t that taking the emphasis off my students / those in attendance and drawing the attention on me?  I should be facilitating the change, not being the star of the show — that’s why you don’t see any spiritual teacher or healer dressing up or doing a performance — it’s about the people, not about you.

Yep, that’s the ego — and some nasty voices in my head trying to pull me down.

Of course I can do this differently than others.  And that’s my desire, to dress up and do it like a show — but something inside of me is telling me no.  Who am I to be thinking that?

Music is not about healing.  It’s about partying at a concert and having a good time.

But that’s not correct, plenty of shows are healing, a place for people to feel they belong.  Music heals our soul, the lyrics.  In a way they very much are healers (artists).

So why can’t I come from another angle — being a healer / spiritual teacher and sharing music?  Performing like a concert?  I can.

They do it the other way… artist — acting as a healer in disguise.

Then the other resistance / the other nasty thought is — why are you putting together your outfit for a larger crowd now?  Isn’t that something someone works up to — the bigger crowds when they get more popular?  and you’re not popular.

Oh really.  Damn.  That shit again.

And then the related thought… okay, so you prepare yourself to be out there for the bigger crowd, but then where are you finding this larger crowd?  Huh?  No one knows about you.

And that shit too.

Who knows?  Maybe I’ll end up going on tour with a musical artist?  Kind of strange, out of the box, but who knows?  I still do feel very strongly the desire to get dressed up and do a performance and no I don’t have all the details of what that looks like yet…

And that’s the other thing, why would the camera follow me around?  I’m a nobody.  (Isn’t that the point — I’m going bigger) — but then the thought, this will all be make believe, what are you trying to accomplish through this again?

I also think it sets me up for so much criticism.

Deep breathe.  I don’t know.  Still moving forward.  Letting Spirit show me the way.

In my meditations, second time this has happened – I’ve met with Tyler Perry and Oprah, they’re helping me.  I’m grateful for this.  The OWN network may be perfect for this type of show.