June 29, 2013

Well it’s clear that I have been waiting for this new door to a new life to open.  And until then this boredom has come over me (spoke to an intuitive / teacher who helps me from time to time and she said it’s not boredom — it’s actually overwhelm since there are so many options for my new life)

But I actually think that it may be overwhelm from the career plans I do have — tv.  I think they are so big and then get bigger, and I think that may put me into this not wanting to deal phase, since it’s overwhelming and too big, and then it’s hard for my mind to come up with the next step.

So in any event, I am seeking out new and different things to do with my life.

Since I am in this in between stage I think it’s a good idea to explore.  Do things I’ve always wanted to do.  And maybe even force myself to step out of my comfort zone.

I was going to go to open mike this last week, but I swam and felt much better (not bored or sad / low energy) and then was really tired… so wanted to go to sleep.  So I didn’t go.

But again this week it’s back on my list.

I’ve been wanting to go for months.  And I better go here rather than LA — so I can get comfortable going in front of a crowd.  If I compare going in front of a crowd here to LA, I’d rather do it here — much less intimidating, whereas out there I would wonder and worry who was in the crowd.

Same deal with Monday nights.  Karaoke is on my list.  Right around the corner from my house, so that works out well for me conserving gas (you know I’m on that kick right now with $$ – conserving) – so I can walk there, which is perfect.

And same deal, let me work up the nerve to sing and dance funny and weird in front of THIS crowd, which will probably be women and men in their 50s rather than a hip and my peers in LA.

So again, two things on the list that I’ve been wanting to do.  To step out in front of people and do weird things… and I will work up the nerve to do it.

Also, I think it’s a good idea to build some energy and excitement — keep it up, to build more life force.

I’ve noticed that too.  I have these really high and great days where I am flying and in the flow — and then the boredom is a good way to bring my energy down.  Depressed kind of energy.

It’s counteractive to getting the dreams to happen.

You need to keep your energy high all the time to pop it off.

So I will do that.

Today I’m going to the toy store.  I had a dream two nights ago about getting an instrument to sing and dance with — and it was what I was thinking about during the day too.  So maybe a tambourine, or something much cooler I could do with my hands while I sing.  That would be fun!