March 10, 2013

I also notice an old thought pattern / a wounding about how my passion scares and intimidates people.  Makes them fearful, brings up insecurities or jealousies.

I’ve always been a person with A LOT of passion.  An intense personality.

This comes from me genuinely loving life and having visions — seeing how great things can be.  I don’t know why, but most people are not like this.  I don’t know if it’s cause their inner child has been beaten out of them, their zest for life, control of their personality, or simply they are just not like me.

I think it’s the latter.

But one never knows, it could also be a mix of all those things.  I do feel a lot of people are quite restrained.

But anyway, because many people I come into contact with, laugh or back away, or get scared when I show my passion, I have learned to shut it down (ahh, see notes above as to why other people don’t carry the excitement / passion) — I have pushed it down and try to hide it.

I keep it to my home only.  Pretty much.  And when it leaks out around others, I always see how they’re surprised, give a nervous giggle. and whatever.

It’s not like I’m bi-polar with that crazy high, but I do get pretty high when I’m excited about something, like how I was yesterday researching this author and excited all day – riding that wave.

But my fears are coming up, fear of scaring him away from my excitement, scaring my group members with my visions / which again is excitement,, etc.

I’d like to release this.  This is old programming / old thought patterns — and passion is exactly what you want and need to make your dreams come true.  Stunting it, shutting it down, holding it back has been a bit block I’ve been doing to myself, a big injustice – a big no-no, so I don’t want to do it anymore.

Praying about all of this.  Meditating on it all too.