April 18, 2013

So I told you I’ve been feeling a bit down lately about my career and my life.  Putting in so much effort and just not knowing what I’m doing anymore… where Spirit wants me, etc.

My career seems to change so much — I’m never sure where it’s going.  It’s like I catch a glimpse, I think I know what’s going on and then I’m confused and lost feeling.

Yesterday I spent a lot of my day doing artwork.

I drew this beautiful sea turtle creation.

I call these designs Totem Animal Artwork.  I’ve been doing it for months — and last night I went to sleep thinking, maybe I’ll sell these?

Maybe I’ll give them as gifts to my students?

All my students are artistic, I think they’ll like and appreciate them.

Plus I think they’re cool looking, plus mean something.

But then I woke up this morning, feeling insecure how the picture came out when I took a photo and was too insecure to post it on Facebook.

I didn’t know how to price them out.

Fearful of people saying they don’t look good.

I haven’t felt insecurity like this ever.

Of course there are memories of my mom telling me my artwork is not good enough.

Fuck that shit.

I’m really talented – and it’s not like she’s drawing anything.

I love my sea turtle creation.

And I’d love to show the world.

I think it’d be fun to do artwork one day a week –and to sell it, why not?

I want to do many things with my career.

But no — it didn’t look good in the picture and I feel like I’ve let myself down.  I didn’t post it…