May 20, 2013

So I noticed how my thoughts got out of control at the Expo yesterday.  I seem to be better in a controlled environment – my home – noticing my thoughts and keeping them high level — or at least higher level — but how when I was in a new environment, how they went south.


I noticed how I was rolling eyes at people.

Making snarky comments at people — or back at them.

Things along those lines.

So I need to watch that.

There were thoughts that people didn’t understand what I offer.

Or the defensiveness I felt from them, felt like they were giving me a hard time… but also they were interested too.  It’s hard which way to take it — it’s all perspective.

I noticed myself thinking how people there were wasting my time.

Were not going to purchase.

Lonely, older men just looking to talk to me to talk to someone… to talk to a pretty girl.

I felt annoyed by it.

When people asked me how I did what I did, I was annoyed.  I didn’t want to be bothered.  Didn’t want to repeat the same thing over and over.

This concerns me.

I kept feeling like people were wasting my time.

I definitely — or probably was not giving out a good vibe.

It’s tough.  I’ve been frustrated, upset, depressed about it today.

I let that part of me get the best of me.


Now part of me thinks, damn that Expo, I shouldn’t have gone… not my ideal clients.

But then the other part of me is like…. Blaire, you should be able to speak everywhere.  You want to speak everywhere.  You can do it.  This is just bringing to light the thoughts you already have.  It’s not creating these thoughts – Spirit is helping you purify them.

Then the other thought is that I don’t have to do these expos, if I don’t like them.

Maybe they’re just not the place for me.  I was so strung out, tired, over stimulated.  Headache the whole time, super tired.  Is this me adjusting?  Or is this my body telling me I’m not attracted to these types of events?

Or is it just that next time, I have other people work my booth, sell my stuff, I come to speak and then hang at the booth for a little and then leave?

All these unanswered questions that are swirling in my mind.  Of course all these things are options.

I feel tired from all this clearing out and purifying my thoughts.

But I know I need to do it in order to get to and really stay at this next level.  The light is pushing out the darkness.  I know this.

Then there’s the part of me that says, all these other people who are experts, in the limelight don’t have such pure thoughts, I know they can’t.  But then again, they must have some good thoughts, high vibration going related to themselves or their business… and again, does it even really matter?  This is my journey — focus on myself.

Obviously for my work, my thoughts need to be clean and pure.

So I need to just dust myself off and get back out there.

Back on the positive and abundant train.  I know I need to be compassionate towards myself too — in this time of change, to let myself have a down day when I do. This has been a challenge for me on some days, like today.

Days when I’m over-tired.  Not sleeping well.  Overall cranky.

I get this, and the thing is, I knew this morning I was feeling like shit.  Knew it wasn’t going to be good.  Not sure what to do on those days, as I didn’t have any energy to walk outside, I should have just let myself sleep all day — and no attachment to upset feelings.

As I write this I see 6:22.  Not sure what that means.  6 – material needs met.  2 emphasized, have faith.  That’s what I’m taking it to mean.  I know Spirit is all around me.  G-d, I kind of wish it wasn’t so hard.  Wish someone else could “fix” my thoughts for me.

And that must have been why so many 1’s also were showing in my life yesterday.  Maybe a warning to WATCH MY THOUGHTS.

Spirit was boosting me to another level, a new environment, and look what happened.

Funny, kind of.

On another note, but related — I was laying in bed this morning wondering what’s next for my life.  Wondering if I’m at this new level of being, more prosperity or what?

I sold two signs yesterday and am in anticipation as far as how many private sessions are to sell.

Again, need to monitor my thoughts.  It’s very easy for me to say “that expo was a waste of time and those people are cheap bastards”  haha.  Obviously that’s not the way to go.

So as I was wondering this and then let it go, I tuned into a radio show — a talk radio show and got the sign that I needed.  That yes, it’s like mental olympics these days monitoring one’s thoughts… but that I’m committed to going for the gold.  Well interestingly enough, this person’s last name is gold.  She told me that I had arrived.  I was there, at the gold.  And I was like — a ha!  There we go.

So I am here.  At this new place. Something to be proud of, but to still stay vigilant of my thoughts.  This is key.

I was not going to bother asking the Expo director for the email list of participants.  Again, that “bad attitude” of forget it and if they want my help they’ll contact me.

But no.  I keep moving forward.  Following up, sharing my information.  Keep … well I was going to say… keep going for that gold, but yes, I am there.

So let’s say keep living it up in the gold.  The abundance.  The prosperity.

No more looking at the amount of food I have in my cabinets or money in my account, need to up this positive thinking, keep everything on a high note.  Come on Blaire, let’s keep doing it!!