February 10, 2013
I had a great weekend. Really let myself rest and enjoy. Certain things that I didn’t have a set routine for I am now going to do on a set day, each week — like cleaning, food shopping, and cooking. Those times are the weekend.
Before I was doing them anytime during the week and because of my resistance to planning out meals or doing a full shop I was going to the supermarket a lot. Now I just don’t have the time, energy or desire to do that. My life is busier now. Busier on my mission. (HELL YEA!)
This past week I’ve noticed that I’ve been doing a major clearing of “friendships”
Friendships in quotes because people use that “friendships” label so roughly that I think it’s all bullshit. So I’m using it just like everyone else is. “Friendships” haha.
Anyway, all week it was a “I’m not going to that group thing, I don’t want to be around those people…”
Navigating away from people via email.
And last night, Facebook.
You see, yesterday I posted one of my events and tagged people on my FB who I thought would be interested in it. Local people, people who have attended events in the past, “friends”
I did pause for a moment thinking that maybe someone wouldn’t like me tagging them, but I continued. I figured it they didn’t like it they would delete their name and be done with it. Or send me a nice email to say please don’t tag.
Well anyway, I forgot about it..
Again, my reason for tagging people was to invite them and remind them that the early bird pricing was ending today (the next day)
It was a courtesy thing…. and I didn’t mean anything more by it.
Anyway, I got an email last night through FB from one of my “friends” saying —
Blaire,
Please do not tag me in posts for events that I have not attended. I find it offensively inappropriate to post to my timeline to promote your event.
Huh? What is this kid talking about?
In the past I was going through the whole “create an event” module on FB which was a pain in the buns. I have only tagged him once.. and this was recently.
Whatever issue he has is an internal one. And I don’t need to deal with it.
I wrote this back:
That’s okay. I’m going to unfriend you since I use this account for biz only.
And that’s it. Delete.
In the past I would have said sorry and felt bad about doing what I was doing in inviting people to events.1) I’m not doing that anymore. I used to not like when people were so promotey but this is my business and I’m moving out there more. He’s not stopping me with this bad attitude.
2) I would have also danced around an answer to him, being nice, saying sorry, feeling like shit, and would have kept him around me.. meaning as a “friend” on FB.
NOPE.
I don’t need him around. He’s not even a “friend” with that attitude. I don’t need him.
There were nicer ways of him approaching me. I don’t like the tone in his voice (yes, I know I was reading it.. but remember, I’m an Empath, amongst other things, and I felt this anger come through)
F that.
He’s not a student of mine. He’s obviously not interested in my events. He was a “friend” but nope, not anymore.
I’m sure I will see him again, in this group function I go to, if I ever go back again… but who needs him.
People show you who they are. I don’t need to cringe and mold myself to fit him in my life. He’s not someone I want to be around.
And this has been the thing that has been very clear over the last 2 weeks…. people have been triggered by me — it’s THEIR WOUNDING — that is coming up… and in the past I would have absorbed this and tried to dance around it and do whatever to mold myself and make them feel better… BUT NO.
You’re not welcome around here.
This is stuff I help my students heal.
If you are not a student, then I don’t need to help you with your wounding. I don’t need to be around it, etc.
I realize this is happening now, because for the last whoever many years – many years! – I haven’t given a shit about friendships. I was way too busy with my own healing, my career, and my relationship with my ex. VERY BUSY with that stuff. Ohh, plus grad school, plus working as a therapist. LOADS OF STUFF.
TOO MUCH STUFF, not even enough time to properly care for myself!
So now that I am entering mainstream and the world again (as that’s what I’m calling it) – when I am surrounding myself with people, for my business, and for “friendships” — but this time without the quotes. REAL FRIENDSHIPS. Then I don’t need this guy or the other ones I walked away from this past week.
DONE.
PS: On another note, something interesting happened this week. Actually, something that I did was interesting… that’s this story 🙂 This girl called me and left a message to “please call her back.” I had spoken to this girl SEVERAL TIMES maybe a year or less ago. One time was at a spiritual event I was at… which back then I wasn’t good with boundaries like I am now (much better) and I spent MY EVENT and MY SPIRITUAL TIME – MY PERSONAL TIME, talking to her about her problem and business.
I was upset with myself for doing that. I paid for that event. That was my personal time, and here I am giving her some sort of soothing.
BULLSHIT.
And then this girl pushed me again. She said she was going to sign up for a session, she did not.
Then she called me to “ask some questions”
I called her back and spent over 15 MINUTES with her on the phone, again answering her BULLSHIT stuff.
Wasting my time. and again I was upset with myself for letting her waste my time and energy. It exhausted me.
She had no real questions. She wanted me to work for free. (unconsciously this was her doing, people try to manipulate / step over boundaries.. which I hadn’t set any)
Again, she didn’t sign up.
I sent her an invite to one of my in person events, figured maybe money was her issue. Okay, $20 is do-able. But again, no show and no response to me. RUDE.
WASTE OF TIME. I was upset, frustrated, and drained.
But I dismissed it and I learned a whole lot from the experience. So thank you to her.
Anyway, when she called the other day, I just deleted the message.
She has nothing to ask me.
It’s very explainable on my website how to sign up for things and if she wants to do a session all the info is there. I can’t help her if she doesn’t help herself… and I’m not spending anymore time and energy on her until she does.
The end.
Very proud of myself. What an exciting week 🙂