January 9, 2013

I’ve been thinking about this whole “going back into mainstream” thing lately.  I think people are interpreting it as something it is not (after all, it’s still being revealed) – but I wanted to share some points that have come to mind…

I notice how I act differently – and mainly – TALK differently to mainstream people than I do with spiritual people.  There definitely seems to be some sort of divide.  I question if being with spiritual people is even where I am supposed to be.  This would support the moving of me more into the mainstream… just follow this along for a minute…

You see, when I talk to spiritual people I notice I’m more soft spoken.  More respectful, more quiet and reserved.  Nicer.  More sensitive and cautious of what I’m saying and to whom.

When I am around mainstream people, which has become clear being around the sports bar environment and my new basketball friends…. I’m more with an attitude.  More real.  More cut throat (maybe?), more of a joking and in your face attitude.

Just in writing this I see how it’s a flip flop and maybe even an extreme.

I don’t want to be that tough around mainstream… but again, I see how I’m more challenging, more passionate, more outspoken – more “look at me” – and “yea, I’m here” or things like that.  Fiesty is the word that comes to mind and this is the word I used to define myself a lot when I was in earlier years.

But being around spiritual people a softness comes.  I personally don’t like it.  Just in writing this I am making a face.  It’s like I have to be overly sensitive and watch every single word I say.  Spiritual people seem to always be taking things wrong, being too sensitive, I feel like I have to walk a fine line to not offend anyone.  Honestly, I think it’s exhausting.

When I’m around spiritual people it’s a watching of how I am talking and treating people.  More cautious of being maybe a “good” person – whereas around non-spiritual people / mainstream people I’m more apt to share my snide remarks about others or my judgments with people because they think it’s funny.  Maybe I am matching this one or that one’s level… depending on who I’m with?

I think I fit in more with mainstream people.  I know that may sound bizarre based on my last posts, and this is a mixed feeling so I’m not 100% sure, but I always like the REALNESS of mainstream people whereas spiritual people always feel kind of fake or reserved or self contained or insecure or overly sensitive or pretending to be one way but really with a nasty shadow side.

In a way it feels like mainstream people are more in touch with their shadow side, although they may not call it this, whereas spiritual people try to hide it and shun it.  I don’t like that.

I know this post could be more of a reflection on me and my own denial of who I am, but nonetheless I am sharing…

Again, the path is still being unveiled.  Overall I think it’s a merging of the two.  Human and spiritual self.

Ohh, I also want to say I’ve never really fit in with the yoga crowd, which is supposed to be “THE” spiritual thing to do.  This is just a South Florida thing, the yoga crowd is a bit different down here… but I’m just sharing…