April 21, 2013

Some of my students go on and on with their stories – they are longwinded.  I have been accused of doing this too.

Going on with a story that I thought was fascinating, lots of details, when (usually) my parents would not be interested.  “Hurry up” they’d laugh when they’d say it.  It was only my parents that wanted to rush me on.  Other people seemed interested.  They have been.  I have interesting things to say 🙂

But the thing that I noticed here — cause I do have a tendency to repeat things I say.  And this is from childhood wounding, things I still think about, am conscious about today — and that has to do with redundancy.

Why do I do it?  Because I never felt they heard me (my family members) — they didn’t.  They were distracted and focused on other things.  What felt like always.  This wasn’t a work thing, this was just a not being present thing.  Anxiety.  Low attention span.  Not interested in deep conversations.

People from my writing group have been telling me this.  Redundant.  Needs editing.  And yes, I know this, I’m fine with this.

I’m going to go through my website and cut down on the amount of words I use to explain things on my web pages.

I realize how longwindedness is a sign of weakness.

It’s how a disempowered person talks, the feeling that they need to repeat themselves over and over again because no one is listening.

Now I can debate myself on these statements, it hasn’t all sunk in just yet — but here is one example.

A guy wrote to me from the internet.  Check out how longwinded his email is.  And it’s totally unattractive.  To me, this guy is a man totally out of his power — and this is just from the impressions I’ve gotten.  I haven’t even met him in person or phone.

Hi Blaire,
My name is x. I left you a message a few days ago, but you don’t know me and maybe you were wary to call me back. So, I decided to email you. Even though emails( especially to your business email),texts,etc are not my preferred type of personal communication,it unfortunately has become the norm of the times.Anyway, I wanted to tell you how I was lead to you. I have an old friend,her name is xxxx, she is a xx instructor,personal coach and motivational speaker in Ft. Lauderdale.She also does xx retreats in Sedona and more recently Cosa Rica.So I went on the internet because I
wanted to see if she posted pictures of her event.
After I looked at those I wanted to see if she was speaking anywhere.  At one point she had a small group called- xx…Nothing new ,but it lead me to a web page that does meetups for different groups(forgot the name).Typed in my area which is Boca and was looking at different groups.You name it..there is a group for it. Landed on Jewish singles. Scrolling down looking at the women(of course) thinking to myself..Uch.
Not because of them,but like the whole on line dating thing, going to events,etc.I also read a few of the bios and you can see the guys ‘pouncing” on the new members.Not my scene.So, I came to your picture( and yes I’m going to say it) thought you were very attractive.Looked at the name-LoveGuruBlaire and said guess she was just advertising on the site and not looking for anything else.I became inquisitive and typed in your info and found everything else you’ve done(a lot).
Never heard of you before, but guess you have had some popularity. lol  So I watched a few of your videos and see that you have some great qualities.Nice that you can be you.The point of this huge paragraph(I should have made a video.lol) is that I would like to meet you.
Btw,this would have sounded a lot more eloquent in speech,but this is the best I have to work with.Look forward to talking to you.
I can go on and on about the reasons why this email is ohh, soo, wrong.  But for today, let’s look at how longwinded it is!  Totally weak, totally out of his power.
Yuck. Not attractive.
This is a good lesson for me and the things I present to the world.  I am editing my web pages today and will be more conscious of the videos I make.
I think some are good to be conversation style, but the ones that have a strong point to make need to be shorter and more to the point.  In my power.