May 10, 2013

Lately I’ve been noticing how I am living my life on my own terms.  What I mean by that is releasing people in my life — the energy that usually effects me — their needs, expectations and/or demands.

This has to do with Mother’s Day – – and not contacting my mom.  Whereas in the past I used to, even though I was upset with her, mad at her, or just feeling that she didn’t take care of my feelings, etc — but I would still contact her through email, send a note about Mother’s Day or her birthday even if we were not talking otherwise.

Now I am releasing that.  Rather than tapping into her needs and expectations of me, what I should do as her daughter, what’s “right” in her eyes — I’m releasing that.  I am doing what I feel is right, I am taking care of my needs.  I am making myself happy.

Then the same deal with my business, this is what I’ve been working on the last several months.  With that one student I was writing about / growing through stuff because of them, well, in the end I released myself from that.  I released myself from giving into their needs, expectations and demands of what they wanted from me as their healer.  I realized how I was giving in and not making myself happy — how it was pulling and draining my energy and how it didn’t feel right.  I chose my well-being, I chose my happiness.

Then a week ago this person emailed me, saying that they weren’t triggered by me, but instead they felt they didn’t trust me.  Which made me smile, as that is being triggered — it’s projection of their intimacy issues and it was something I offered to them plenty of times to start up a new package and we’d work on that.  There was a push-pull with them, coming close to me yet pushing away.  Again, more relationship patterns.  But anyway, in the end, they emailed me and said, let’s meet in person, and I’ll explain this to you.  But that was ridiculous to me.  It was basically them wanting to have another healing session — this time for free.  Or for them to confront me, release their anger.  I can write on and on about this.  The point here is that I didn’t reply.  I just let it go.  I chose my happiness and my feelings, my thoughts on the topic and stood by my side.  I knew what was going on with this person… and I knew their needs (I could feel their energy) and expectation for me to reply, or to meet up with them, or to be there for them to make them feel okay — but I am no longer employed as their healer.  I let them go.

So I feel happy, the place I’m at.

It’s a big journey to get to the place where you can release yourself from other’s needs, desires, expectations and to focus on what makes you happy.  To live your dreams and go for your joy.  There’s so much guilt that can come into play — and again, I’m happy to say I’ve walked through that.  Thank you!