February 28, 2014
I spoke with a healer today. A shaman actually. And asked her to do a channeled reading / healing for me regarding “waiting for news to come” — and how I’ve been wondering and kind of struggling with feeling powerful when I am waiting on someone else to do something.
She spoke to me how when I was younger, when you’re a child, your mother is supposed to read your cues and do as you desire.
That the child is wise and the mother is supposed to follow their needs.
And that when I was younger, she saw my mother possibly not doing this.
That I had to wait on my mother to fulfill my needs — I guess she wasn’t keen to the cues I was putting out.
And that this is when I lost parts of myself in waiting.
It set up a pattern of feeling powerless.
Something along these lines.
And I can see this as being true. This has definitely been a pattern in my life. Not feeling in full command of my life. And I saw this completely played out in my intimate relationship with my ex — waiting on him to catch up, to do spiritual growth and healing, and him never doing it…. me waiting on him.
And it was totally frustrating.
This was another time I struggled with the “I create my own reality” idea when I was trying and trying to make our relationship into what I wanted it to be and it wasn’t working.
So I’ve done some work around reclaiming these parts of myself that I lost back then.
I’ve set the intention to bring back those parts of myself.
I hope it worked 🙂
(Of course it did)
And I’ve been tired ever since. Taking a nap and resting today.
A lot of energy moving.
So grateful for this call today, I really needed the healing around this.