March 7, 2014
Most of the day I was good. BEE-ING.
Slowed down my pace with doing things — like a walk this morning with my dog, because after all there was no where to go, nothing to do. So slow down. BE present. Be here, now.
Saw a turtle, which was cool. Haven’t seen that totem in awhile, that was nice. But the turtle means to SLOW down, GROUND, connect to mother earth. Interesting. All roads lead to SLOWING DOWN.
Ahh — it’s painful at times. That time hit for me at around 3PM today.
EVEN SOME ANGER.
I got into a conversation with Spirit as I was walking fast around the complex with my dog, Magic — when again I was reminded to SLOW DOWN as there was no where to go and no rush to get anywhere after.
Anxiety like crazy, pains in my stomachs. Fearful anxious thoughts.
It’s Friday. I have nothing to do all weekend. This is painful. What am I going to do with all of this time? And so on. It’s the fear of being out of control. No plans. No agenda. Fear of being bored.
Breathe. Breathe. Blaire, breathe.
More deep breaths although I’m not sure where this is getting me.
I got into a conversation with Spirit and it went something like this….
What’s the point of all of this? I’m going to slow down and then I’m going to be busy bee’ing with something else (meaning work)
And then that’s where they stopped me.
I’ll be busy BEE-ing.
I won’t be busy DO-ing.
Like most people.
Breathe Blaire, breathe. BEE-who you are. This is where your power comes from.
When you re-enter the “busy” work world again, you’re going to be BUSY BEE-ing.
BEE-ing who you are. BEE-ing with people.
Start now. Walk around and BEE-with people. BEE-present with them. Talk to them. Teach them along your travels.
A guy in his car stopped and wanted to talk to me about my dog being in a stroller. He thought it was funny. It is funny…
They reminded me of this.
You could have BEEN with him. SLOWED DOWN. Been present. Answered his questions. See what he had to offer you. You don’t have to rush away from people anymore. (I always do that)
You don’t have to be in a hurry to get anywhere. You are here.
Your worth is not on DOING anymore. It’s on who you are BEE-ing.
Stomach pains continue. I am reminded I need to go to the bank to take out some money. Okay — more of a walk. I’ll take my time walking. No rush to get there, no rush to get back. Time is on my side.
Most of the time my thoughts go to “this is torture” and “is this really the best use of my time”
But I know better. I know it is. I know there’s a lesson to learn here that will suit me better.
More deep breathing. More blowing out the anxiety and the old way of being.
I know this is the only way I will get through it.
Spirit tells me to congratulate myself — I’m doing much better than expected. (Or maybe it’s much better than others would do.. or maybe it’s just to congratulate myself as a way of being compassionate and kind, since it has been hard for me to do — yea, that’s it. The latter. Be compassionate to myself.)
Oh G-d, angels, guides, please help me through this.
Please help me relax into the lesson.
Please help me relax into the now.