June 17, 2013

I just want to say that yesterday I almost made myself sick over being so nervous about driving out to LA by myself.

It’s a 20+ hour drive and I don’t like driving places.

The fear of not having enough money to make the drive.

Plus the long hours.

Plus the fear of dreaming that I’m driving while I’m sleeping.

The fear of getting bored or going stir crazy while on the road.

Staying at shitty places.

Eating crappy food.

It all became overwhelming and I got really freaked out.

My nose started running.

I literally was making myself sick, just like that.

I was scared.

I had to meditate and breathe myself through it.

I also had to control my mind to think of ways this trip could be fun and adventurous.

I decided to pull up the map today and see my route.

Ends up I will be passing a lot of fun states that I’ve always wanted to check out — like Texas.

Again, now, I feel fear in my stomach.

I’m going to go back into daydreaming on how this could be a fun adventure.

– Staying at really nice bed and breakfasts or hotels.

– Sightseeing for a few days.

– Eating nice food.

– Enjoying a vacation with my two favorite friends – myself and Magic 🙂

And now there’s the fear about leaving him in the hotel room alone…

Ahh– deep breaths.

I need to relax.

Make this fun daydreams.

The thought did cross my mind as well that maybe this would be part of my reality show.

Then I wouldn’t be on the drive alone… I’d have a camera crew…

But then there was fear about being watched.  Watched when I’m feeling uncomfortable driving.

Again, breathe.



All one step at a time….