April 10, 2013

So a few things I’ve realized about the student I’ve been processing things about these last few days.  They actually are pretty grateful for how I help them and have been promoting me here and there.  I do realize this.

I also realize that this has been more of a control thing with them, as well as a boundaries thing (with them and me), and also it’s time to bring certain things up with them.

Now I was not going to approach this topic with them since I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, saw the wounding that was causing them to act this way, and was helping them heal that, also I saw it as unprofessional to bring it up.

BUT, the last session they had they brought up something about our relationship.  Something they found funny about our relationship.  Now that is pretty normal, since I get really close to my students and they develop similar feelings towards me as they have towards their family of origin / parents or whatever.

But there has been other things going on and I’m just going to list them out here… and this is how I will bring it up to them as well.  I realize this is part of their healing journey — it’s also helping me on mine.  Not to be controlled by students, not to be controlled by money students give me, etc.

1 – A year ago they started coming to a gathering I was having.  They would send me emails asking for help and then telling me they don’t need it when I responded.

2 – They would sit in silence through the gathering and then when it was over and I was walking to my car would stop me and try to ask questions.  Trying to get more time.  I told them to bring it to the event, they were detailed questions / not an easy yes or no.

3 – Then they started talking in the gatherings and taking up a lot of time to share their story/problems.  This was off again in my mind, as these are group gatherings, not the place to be dominating anyone’s time.  Being respectful to other people’s time and their issues.

4 – Then they started trying to teach the gathering.  Take over answering people’s questions, rather than deferring to me – after all I was the one teaching the event.

5 – Then they started private sessions.  Was hesitant to do it… then finally signed up for an initial session — had a lot of breakthroughs — and again, after a gathering wanted to talk to me, take more of my time, said they had a question, but really it was that they wanted someone to listen to them and all their fears.  This is what I do in private sessions.

6 – Decided to go ahead and do the program.  But after the first session or maybe the second, which was very powerful came at me real strong and tough, I felt like I was being yelled at, that they didn’t like the way Spirit was guiding them through me, and that if the sessions were going to go like this they made the bad decision with the program.  This program was not for them they said.

7 – Continued and a month into sessions I feel anger building towards me and Spirit is telling me very strongly that I need to tell this person that the anger is not really towards me, that it’s towards their parents and healing and it is not right to target it at me.

8 – Throughout the sessions, almost each one, this person tries to continue conversation / ask questions / get someone to listen to issues after sessions are done — as well as before sessions begin.

There’s a lot of things going on here.  I’m feeling uncomfortable about continuing sessions and am grateful that they are coming to an end.

This upcoming session will be over the phone when I address this.

The next one will be a spiritual healing session, again over the phone.

We are closing up our time together.

This is good for me.  To not allow myself to be abused or pushed around / controlled by students.  I am grateful for this.  There is a pattern here with this person.

I didn’t mention anything in the past because I knew I could help with this.

Now I question if I even want to.

I’m not receiving enough money for this type of aggressive behavior.  Controlling through energy.  I don’t like it.  But it has to be addressed.

Maybe after things are addressed, things will shift?

It probably will.

I ask myself, is this person a mirror?

Is this what I did to my healers?

And the answer is no.  I’ve always looked towards them to lead me.  To them to start conversations and end them.  I never dominated group gatherings, I always knew that was for private sessions.  I would sometimes ask questions afterwards but was very conscious to quickly shut up and not keep talking.

I think for me this has to do with control in my life.

Letting others control me.

Me shrinking so others can feel better about themselves.

I felt bad for this person, so I didn’t say anything.  Didn’t want to trigger, didn’t want to upset them, didn’t want them to discontinue, cause again I knew that would do no good for their growth and healing… but again, the time has come that something needs to be said.

We have enough of a repertoire that it’s time..