April 16, 2013
Yesterday and today have been a bit of down days. Not completely but for 1/2 the day – yes.
I like being productive. I did get a lot of work done yesterday, had a meeting about my writing — but then when I got home had really no motivation to do anything. That made me sad. Depressed. It’s one of those moods that I am just tired and sleep. I get irritated watching TV. I should do artwork, but don’t feel like it. Grouchy. I want to take a walk, but it’s so fucking hot.
Then there was today.
I woke up sad. I had some sad dreams that the energy stayed with me. That was a bummer.
I prayed for the angels to raise my energy and emotions and was excited to do my Boston Marathon video, which I posted for you in the previous post.
I felt so happy after that, but then after that wore off… I was in my down mood again. Bored, tired. Took another nap. I guess I haven’t been sleeping that well at night — although I don’t think that’s true… I’ve been doing more exercise so that’s making me more tired.
I’m also going through changes. That’s what I told myself later in the day. To just relax, cause obviously there’s changes and processing going on / needed.
I’ve been positive about my query rejection notes. But today it seemed to get me down. That was the thing that put me over the edge today. Someone, another top agent, told me she’s passing and that spiritual books have been going to specialty publishers.
This got me real sad.
I don’t want a specialty publisher (although I’m researching what the difference is — which is kind of funny… cause why are you sad about something that may not even mean anything…)
But it was just another rejection. And still a part of me thinks this is a good thing, it makes me sad. My book is very mainstream — although I’m talking about spiritual concepts.
And even if people don’t consider themselves spiritual they still believe in things like “meant to be”
So anyway — I finally got myself out on a walk with Magic — Spirit was insisting and I know it makes me feel better.
And there it was. Again.
Less than 2 weeks from the last visit, a black snake, sprawled out, laying right beside my path. Laying in full visibility. I saw it’s whole long, creepy black body. Just there for me to look at.
And I started crying.
“I try so hard” “I follow everything you want me to do — I need some reward” “Where’s my reward?”
I was grateful for the snake to come, cause it works its magic on and for me, but there are these things I want — that I’ve been wanting for a while, that I want them already. I do my best to keep positive. I work through my shit. And I just kept crying that I wanted my reward and please help me here.
I remembered back when I was learning how to attract love — and when I partnered with the Universe things turned around very quickly.
But here with money / abundance / prosperity / and dream jobs, it’s been going on for awhile.
It just makes me sad. I had to cry. Always trying so hard to be cheery, I needed someone to cry to — a shoulder to cry on. I cried to Spirit. To the snake.
And that was it.
I feel better now. Tomorrow will be a new day. I will be hopeful again. I will be inspired again. And I will do more healing techniques on myself to welcome in the changes. Thank you, I welcome them all. I release, please guide me. Sweep me away into the life that is better than my dreams.