May 28, 2013

Can I just say I know why Spirit wanted me to rest, be with myself and write.

There’s so much floating in my being that needs to come out.

That I see how I’ve been avoiding it for days, maybe even more – weeks, cause there’s so much to write and I haven’t been wanting to take the time or energy to write it all out.

How do I do this?

I got an idea of a tv project to pitch.  About me sharing the behind the scenes of stepping into my divine mission.

Then I had the thought – if I’m selling the idea of me doing my divine mission in a bigger way – which means getting a tv show, then what’s the point of the tv show following me since my goal will be reached.

But then the next idea came.  two shows.

Selling one – doing one behind the scenes of what it’s like stepping out and shining what you have to deal with and clear away.

And the second one of me doing an in studio talk show like Dr Phil but healing and spirituality focused – but again focused on relationships

So I made this video talking about how my dreams are coming true and to “watch this space’ (what my british friends say – and watch it happen.

Yes, it’s ballsy.

Some may say if you are in the process of manifesting it, then don’t talk about it – but it’s happening and I feel guided – a push to share – and document it.

My worry / resistance is that if I start to share via my videos / YouTube then it might not get picked up by a network — the videos may not get watched, which might tell someone there’s no interest – and that’s not the way to do it – keep it quiet — pitch and get paid, then do it.

But  here’s the thing – I feel I need to start documenting this now.  I can see how to unlock some posts so people can read some posts and not others?

Maybe they get the current posts if they pay now and then the back posts if they pay a flat rate?

Not really sure?

I was feeling the push to talk about the expo.  I did write about that experience, but then got kind of freaked out about things and deleted some of the posts.  It’s very personal and again that feeling of hating people looking at me and judging me, having them think they are better than me or something.

And then there’s the no pay issue.  If I’m sharing these insights cause I like to share… but this is what I’ve been doing – what I was doing – spending all this time and energy on it and wasn’t getting paid, I’m bound to get angry and resentful again.

Hmm… expecting clarity on this as well over the next few days.