July 10, 2013

Wow, my life has been so busy since I gathered my courage to speak out on these race issues.

I haven’t written here in a few days — feels like forever — but I’ve made some notes of what’s been happening.

First — I noticed that before I spoke out… so that would be when I was upset on Thursday – Sunday I was feeling all types of anger and anxiety and discomfort.  I realized that over those days that I was in fear I was 1) thinking very negatively – Obviously that is not good, since I know how to manifest and you don’t want to be thinking negative things.  But it was very hard for me to think anything positive.

2) It was also very hard for me to daydream / visualize at that time as well.

This was going on for a few days and was concerning me but I now see how my fear was blocking me. (Well, actually I knew that when I was going through it…)

As soon as I made the video I was able to relax.  Be again.

What I thought was interesting was that before I made that first video I was praying like crazy for protection, asking all my Spirit friends to be with me — I was so scared, maybe shaking, even losing my voice.

And I asked for AA Gabriel to talk through me.  And he said, “No, you talk – We’ll be right here with you”

Wow.  That was very interesting and powerful.

I’ve been getting so much feedback from people.  So many comments on the videos, both negative and positive but I don’t even notice the negative.

It’s amazing, because I feel alive, expanded, so passionate and so good.  I also feel like I have found my people.  My community.

And interestingly enough, a lot of them are male.

I think my posting on here may become less and less.  It already has.  I think this blog may be over.  Complete.  I think it’s done it’s job.  I am here.  I’ve arrived.

I never thought I’d be a “white” leader, but I wake up this morning with more and more clarity (actually more and more clarity as the days go by), that this is what I’m here for.  To be a “white” leader.  Haha.  That’s comedy.

I become more passionate about the topic with each day.  I am constantly praying and making time for meditation (the best I can, I’ve been tired at times – really tired, since all these changes my body is adjusting too) – I have had my “race awakening” – but I am constantly checking in with Spirit asking… are you sure?  Are you sure this is what you want me to say?

But I keep getting more ideas of videos to make and ideas of what to say… “the injustices of the white man.”  Hahah.  That was totally channeled  / came through in my journal writing this morning.

Martin is with me.

It’s exciting.  It’s huge.  Is this what I’m to do?  What I’m really here to do?  My legacy?  It makes me nervous and scared at times too.  Last night I was really afraid for maybe 5 minutes when someone knocked on my door.  Fear for my safety/my life.

As I was getting ready to write this Spirit told me this…

Dearest Blaire, you don’t have to be worried about saying something racist – cause you are not.

Today I will be slowing down… it’s been so exciting and it’s easy to lose your spiritual practices, good eating habits, working out, and free time, nature time, etc… all my practices, by being so on mission.

So I am slowing down… so I can enjoy.

This is so fantastic.  I feel my dreams have been coming true.  More and more gather and I keep getting words of praise. (yes, along with criticism) but we as a people are getting louder (haha, where does this come from?)  Funny.

PS:  My birthday is in a few days.  I’ve been so busy, so passionate, so alive, so expanded, so full of joy and love for life and people that I haven’t had a chance to think of what I’m going to do for myself.  What I’ll do that day.  Spirit keeps telling me, be prepared to be surprised.

That makes me excited.  Very excited.  I wonder what they’re going to get me and I keep joking with them asking them “what are you getting me for my birthday?”

I keep asking Magic the same thing 🙂

PS:  Saw my green lizard friend yesterday — he was doing a show for me, walking on all the tree branches in front of me while I was on my patio — then I turned back on the case and there were two of the same lizards in a commercial.  Very cool.