May 4, 2013
The other day I made this video
And as I was talking about the message (on the video) and then afterwards some possible emotions were coming over me.
It was the observation of my journey and the thought that I could feel sorry for myself.
Well, here’s the journey…
Girl (me) strives to get to know her gifts.
She has always felt different, like she didn’t belong.
She strives to attract people to work with her. She sees how some of them may become her friends.
She attracts people to her, they get along, she thinks they will have a long relationship, possibly work together / support one another’s work, etc.
They love her and they love her work.
Girl finally feels like she belongs. She feels loved. Seen. Appreciated.
She’s doing her gift.
All the struggles of getting to know herself are done with, it’s smooth sailing… she thinks…
Time after time, these relationships go “bad”
She notices how students who were once really close to her, loving her, wanting more of her time and attention…. students who ask her to do things socially (which she declines, because she wants to keep it professional in order to help them in their healing journey) — they want to be her friend.
But then suddenly, after one session or many sessions / months of working together, suddenly the student’s energy towards her changes.
She can feel it.
They are now hostile towards her. They don’t like her. Their tone changes… they unsubscribe from her mailing list — they avoid her.
Now this is where this girl (me) can feel sorry for herself.
She can say to herself, I’ve gone through all this work on myself — and I put so much time and energy into my students…. I thought I was able to finally enjoy my riches of doing my gift, but now people — these people who once loved me and wanted more from me — now don’t like me… avoid me, etc.
This is where I can feel sorry for myself.
And for a little bit, maybe I did.
But now I just see it as part of the evolution. I see it as part of my gift, my journey. It seems to be a constant realization of “I’m really good at healing” — the Universe keeps showing me the beauty that is me. The power that I have. The ability to tap into and channel Spirit. That is a gift — a gift I share with these students.
For these students, their energy changing is a good thing. That’s why they came to me, to change, to evolve, to grow, to heal. I am helping them do that.
They are seeing things in themselves they don’t want to see. Things they are afraid to see. They are running from themselves, not from me.
Just by having this awareness that this is what happens to some of my students, it gives me the ability to be a better teacher — from this experience I now teach students what the process will be like for them… so that if they feel the desire to run from themselves, that hopefully now that their mind understands the process, they will instead process through the discomfort.
I don’t think this will always be the case with students. This change in their feelings towards me and it’s not like it happens with everyone, but it’s been part of my journey.
Since I have noticed it, acknowledged it, and have changed my energy field around it — I’ve processed through it, already I am attracting and ushering in a new type of student.
Will this happen to you in your teaching / healing journey too? Will it happen as you start to help people (or help more people)?
Who knows. If it is, just know that it too shall pass, that there’s a lesson in there for you, and maybe the Universe is trying to show you, too, how great you and your gifts really are.
I send you love.