January 9, 2013

I can’t make cookies and it’s slightly annoying.  Over the last month I’ve tried to do it maybe 5-6 times.  You know… the kind from scratch.  I’m not really sure what the problem is.  I follow the directions, kind of.  I tried to make them all as whole wheat… it’s healthier after all.  That didn’t work so I tried mixing it whole wheat and regular white flour.  That didn’t work either.

Then I tried just white flour.  On and on…

It’s not working.

I’m trying to make it with sugar cane rather than regular sugar.  This could be part of the issue as well.

Who knows.

And today, after my latest batched attempt, I started thinking…

Or rather, starting realizing… “Oh, this is teaching me a lesson too!”

You know… in that category of learning my lessons from pleasure and play, rather than struggle, strain and pain.

Well… it became clear to me.

Here I’m having trouble making cookies.  And it sucks, cause I tend to try to make the cookies when I’m having a cookie craving.

Could be the same as being frustrated… having trouble building career, making money, getting new students, making my big dreams come true… or whatever when I am having a craving (i.e. a desire) to make one of those happen.  To have one of those things happen.

I try to make the cookies a bunch of different ways during that blocked time.

Same deal, I try different ways to make these business things happen during whatever blocked time that I feel antsy or the desire to experience those things or to make them happen.

It doesn’t work.

Same deal, with business.

I get frustrated or kind of upset.

Same deal with business.


With cookies I look at it this way…. okay, it sucks, but no big deal… I’ll get a different recipe, I’ll ask some people, I can go out and buy them.  I’ll try it again, yea the frustration builds and I start to give up even when I am trying again since this will be my 7th or 8th time in a matter of 3 or 4 weeks…. and yes, I’m wasting money and supplies with all these botched attempts, but okay… I will get this right.  I know I will.  Frustration, but low grade frustration that I forget about in maybe 10 minutes.  I also don’t feel so time urgent to figure it out – and figure it out NOW!

With career, I do similar things, like go to teachers or healers to help me, but there is BIG ENERGY, big frustration (at times), big upset (again at times), big anger (again, at times), annoyance…. calling myself names, like I can’t do it and what’s wrong with me and how come everyone else can do it and I can’t … and on and on.  Big negative energy building right there.  There’s also a HUGE time urgency that I need to figure it out RIGHT THIS SECOND or else there’s concern I am DOOMED or a HUGE LOSER (that’s a bit extreme, but you get the idea..)

And you get it?  This is how so many of us are whether it be with career, health, love life, whatever… there’s this big buildup and annoyance – a big swirl of negative energy and huge damage to the self esteem… when simply, we are learning.

We are always learning.

This lesson is going to sit with me for a bit.  I think it’s really profound and interesting how it took me many times (maybe 6 by now) to finally get that special insight.

I’ll definitely want to remind myself when I get frustrated or upset or something about my business. How totally unnecessary to react in that way…

I get it now.

Thank you!