February 5, 2013

Wasn’t sure what to label this blog post as it covers to many elements of my recent journey and very much what I am writing about in my book.

There was an incident recently amongst some people I hang out with.

Since I am in this space of enlightenment I saw everything that was happening both from my human self as well as a space of people’s wounding and why they were acting the way they were.

I realize I have always seen things in this manner, it was how I was raised to see people who picked on me when I was younger, but now it comes through so much clearer, deeper, and again its another level – of enlightenment.  (Hard to explain sometimes, but I do think I will be walking people through situations in my workshops and lectures showing them these shifts in perspective – how incredible!! that thought makes me very excited!!)

So anyway, the person who I was closest too was continuing the gossip and drama amongst the group.  I initially thought this person was going to take care of the situation, at least I hoped – and this was after we briefly spoke about it.  They asked me for advice.

But recently a situation happened with the same players again and this person did nothing to “put out the fire” and instead, again exacerbated it.

This had me in a bind yesterday.  Anger came up from my human self and also very strong knowing and seeing all the players for their woundedness and unhealed selves came up.

I was torn.

If I ignore and keep walking, well that’s not addressing the issue – – and it’s not me speaking my truth, plus the issue still remains.  (again, I was looking for this other person who is leader of this group to take care of it, which they didn’t because again they are not healed and don’t know how to handle it, so they handle it in unconscious, old patterning)

But if I addressed it I was super angry.  Ready to kill someone.

So I waited.  And I walked around and I talked to my guides and let it be.  Over the day the anger released and I didn’t give a shit anymore.

But then I did, so I wrote an email.

Long story short, I took care of it.

I stepped down in being one of the organizers of the group, it’s not worth it to me and these are not people I want to associate with.

I let one of my friendships go down a level, dissipate.  They’re not the type of person I’m interested in hanging out with / being around.  I deserve better.

I also told them, me and the Universe I am not being the scapegoat for their inability to stand up for themselves and others.  I am not the one who will take the blame for this situation, it was their issue to take care of and they were the ones who got it out of control.

By doing all of this I said to myself… 1) I can take care of this project on my own…. I was originally holding on or rather looking past this organizers issues/ things I didn’t like because I was getting some help from them.  This was one of my patterns.  To compromise, to look past, and also giving the message to the world that I don’t deserve more / better…. and people are not on my level, they don’t treat me the same way I treat them, and they are not as relationship mature as I am and that’s okay.. when it wasn’t…… and also it was saying to the Universe, I’m not good enough, I need someone else to help me become more successful.  When I don’t.  I have the Universe and I have me. I am good enough.

So a whole bunch of things were uncovered today with my stance in power.  Not backing down, although yes to some of the people in that group, that may look like what I was doing.

Instead, I checked in and said, what is most important.

Where do I want to be spending my time and energy — and where do I not want to.

I am good enough.  I have Spirit and I have me.  I can be successful on my own.

And Spirit will provide better caliber people.  I don’t need to settle anymore.

And also, an understanding of that people are where they are where they are with their healing (or non-healing)

And to accept that — but not have to TEACH them (I’m not getting paid to be their teacher or healer, so I didn’t want to take on that role, I was very conscious of that)

Not have to help them with their wounds — or teach them about relationships, how to be in a healthy one.

Nope, none of that.

So I stepped out.

If you are good at relationships, then you should find other people who are good at relationships — you don’t have to settle or go to teach or heal others so they raise to your level.