December 31, 2012
2 days ago, on Saturday night when I was at the sports bar watching the basketball game, an idea came to me. Actually it came as my game was finishing and this UFC (fighting championship) came on. I was appalled. Since I’m “out of the loop” kind of with every happening in this world, since I don’t have a TV and don’t go out to bars or have friends. ( 🙂 keeping it real here – which not like my friends would be talking about this stuff anyway) – I’m very much in a bubble of the world I’ve created for myself filled with self growth and healing…
So anyway, since this was totally new to me I was able to have different thoughts on it than maybe someone who has already been desensitized to these types of things…
Anyway, I got an idea. To make a video about doing a Violence Detox. To start a movement, encouraging people to go on a violence detox in their own life.
I’m not going to go into the details of the movement in this post, as I decided I am going to make the video since it’s been a few days and I was able to process this “hesitancy to lead” but I wanted to share the feelings that I had along the journey..
Anyway, so I got this idea to start this movement. And then I started talking myself out of it.
Started calling myself a loser.
Started dissing myself.
You don’t have many people who watch your videos
Do people even like me?
What if you put out the video, causing for this movement and no one follows
You’re going to ask people to share the video… what if they don’t – that’s going to be embarrassing
You’re trying to stir people and have them lead, when people are used to just watching you
How do you even lead anyway?
Do I know how to lead?
I don’t know how to lead…
My power is crap.
People don’t do what I say
And that’s pretty much how the story went.
Great idea — pushed down by negative thoughts and past experiences. Terrible.
And I knew what I was doing. Knew it was not the thing to do. Was mad at myself for doing it, but was even more so mad at the feeling and the thoughts that I can’t lead people.
Asking people to share your video…. participate in this movement… do the violence detox themselves… Write about it on Facebook about what they are detoxing (this idea came to me today)… as well as tweeting about it with a hashtag (again, another idea from today) – well that’s a bit scary.
It could be embarrassing. A blow to my ego. To possibly fail… or actually in my mind the other day I already had failed… to fail in front of so many people watching me on social media.
But this is what I think I’m here for.
Almost every idea that comes to me – over these years – has had an element of CREATING A MOVEMENT.
And that’s what leaders do.. at least, I think at this point, as it’s coming to me…. leaders create movements.
And if you’re a leader, you create a movement.
Again, maybe this is just my “job” as a leader.
But again, this has been dreams I’ve had since I was young.
So…. I dismissed the idea. Said to my Spirit friends, forget it. I’m a loser. Maybe my power is not great enough for this. People don’t listen. Maybe this is playing too big of a role.
So I let it go for a few days.
That is until last night, before I went to sleep when I pulled one of my oracle cards. I got a message on how I’m not following my intuition and instead acting like a shrinking violet. That I encourage others to follow their intuition, I inspire others to be their greatest, but how in this situation, I’m not following my intuition, I’m not taking the leap, I’m not being my greatness.
So I woke up this morning, filled with more power. Confidence. Fearlessness. Today I’m going to film this video. I am going to take the risk. Step into more of my power. I’m going to do this. And do it big. Giving people a hashtag to tweet their realizations. Posting on FB and asking people to share the video with their friends to spread the awareness. To create change in this world.
It’s amazing how now I speak on world issues. I never watched the news. Never liked it. Now, its the “newsworthy” “hot topics” that I feel so passionate about. Amazing and I’ll tell you – I absolutely love it. So much passion!