February 2, 2013

I have been doing intense healing since 2005 – that’s 7 years.  Healing has taken over my life that I haven’t really done anything else, but healing.

Sure there was work.  But I haven’t been too busy overall (or at least I can’t remember now) – as I have been healing.

When I work on healing, it’s me working IN my business.

Over the 7 years of intensive healing, working one on one with healers for the whole time — and 4 years of that with the same healer — I had an intense Twin Flame relationship that occupied — rather, DOMINATED my life for 3 years.

And that brings me where I am now, healed.

I’m enlightened.

If there ever was light at the end of the tunnel, I am here.  I’ve made it.

I didn’t really know what goal I was seeking, but it has been very clear to me the last month or so, especially today that I am done with healing.

Now sure, we are always growing, so that’s my little disclaimer, but I have worked through and healed all my unconscious programming, my old thoughts and ways of being in the world and now I have this awareness that I don’t really have words for… it I tried I would say, I can see through things and people.  I get “ah-ha’s” super quick, within a day or a few hours and that’s the way it goes.

So now with me being at this level of healing-ness, it’s time for me to truly re-enter into the world.  For me to really teach and be available to help others, to stop seeking healers and doing healing for myself, and to HAVE FUN.

And this HAVE FUN has been confusing to me today.

I see how I go to waste time on stupid things, like Facebook or the internet cause I don’t really know what is fun for me these days.

I seem to have flashes of it.. like when I am gardening or cooking or painting or walking in nature… those are all fun, but it’s not like I’m screaming out loud having fun — and I want that in my life again.

But here’s the deal, 7 years ago I was 28 and what I liked when I was 28 and now at 35 — well, I have no clue.

I know at that age I was already disinterested with the club scene, but it seems like there has been a void of “fun” that I never went into fill.

Well, let me clarify… learning spirituality was fun for me.  Healing myself was fun for me.  Well, maybe fun is not the word – it was INTERESTING, INTRIGUING.

And now I want fun.

Only problem…. well, my fun is solo activities.  So this makes me… well, it just confuses me cause I guess I feel the desire to be with people… but then again, confused and disinterested in hanging with people…. so I really don’t know.

And this is where I’m at today.

Stopping the healing.  I totally don’t even have interest in it anymore anyway…

And stopping the distractions, like computer / Facebook (which I don’t like anyway)

And checking in with myself… what is fun?  And what would be fun to do with people?

Not like I have to hang out with people, but my focus is starting to be more on the outside world again… after all, if you are not healing yourself or doing spiritual pursuits then I think the other side of that would be more socialization.

Not like I want to do it all the time, but I would like to welcome it in more.

So what do I like to do for fun?  Of course there is renting videos… but that’s a solo activity.

Art — solo activity

Gardening – solo.

And so on 🙂

I like the zoo, but this again I like doing as a solo activity… 🙂

Obviously I’m processing something today, I’m open to what Spirit is going to highlight for me.