May 7, 2013

I’m giving myself space today.  I fucking hate this job and I hate people.

Spirit – all week – maybe for two weeks now – has been pointing out to me how my fears are blocking what I desire.

I pray about this everyday.  I ask Spirit to help me with this everyday — but then, again, EVERYDAY they share with me another message on how I have to clean up my thoughts.


Something has never been so hard for me to overcome.

I’ve never struggled this much, it’s terrible.

We’re going through some incredible energy now and it’s also really crazy energy.  Big extremes.  I thought I wasn’t experiencing this, but now as we are in between two eclipses I’m feeling it.  Big time.

There was the situation two weeks ago with one of my students.  I had cleared that person out of my space, upgraded myself and my work.  Raised my prices and felt good about all of it.

I also created new policies, a new contract and a new way of working with people.

This was all positive.

I even made a video “warning” people that they may get triggered by this site and by working with me.  I thought that was a wise thing to do.  It was a wise thing.  For people to consciously know what may happen to them, that I may tap on some of their insecurities, etc.

Well… it seems like again, someone was triggered – the new person who joined this site, now cancelled their membership and asked for a refund.  Ridiculous.

I don’t know what to do about all of this.  There’s really nothing I want to do — so I’m doing nothing.  Fuck it.  I put in too much time into my work.  Too much time into improving myself and where has it gotten me?

I keep trying to build this company and now twice in two weeks, it feels like a smack in the face.

A roadblock.

Obviously something is not working.

My initial thoughts are fuck this job, fuck being a healer, etc it’s not worth the time and I’ll go do something else… although I know I really can’t cause this is who I am and what I’m meant to do… but I realize that again, it’s my damn thoughts.

I know Spirit is helping me by showing me these situations now, but it’s been really hard, painful, and really sad.

Today I’m mourning.