March 3, 2013

Currently I have one private male student.  I’ve worked with men before but my relationship with this student is different.  I’m more me… as in my gift and my personality.

And I like it.  Because as I would call it – I’m raw.

You see, when I work with women, I’m usually a bit shy.  Reserved.  Or maybe just the word is polite.  Too polite.  Too timid.  Not right.

I don’t want to be this way…

This is the way I am with male students in the past as well.  Don’t want to be tough on them.  Afraid of fully expressing.

And it feels like shit.

I’m talking about Spirit’s messages here.  I usually hold back on my passion.  Hold back on the delivery.  And I know it’s wrong what I’m doing — but I’ve always been afraid.  Afraid of hurting their feelings.  Afraid of pushing them too hard.  Afraid of being judged, not liked, left, whatever.

But this is how my gift is.  This is who I am.  My personality is strong and therefore so is my gift.

I give it to people straight.  And if I think of myself as one of my students, I would like someone like that — sort of like a personal trainer spiritual healer coach.  I would like that.

Someone calling my shit.  Someone pushing me to continue.  To look at things deeper.

And I’m grateful for this student — as well as just where I am on this path, because I am allowing myself to be stronger with delivering the message.  The way it wants to come out.  No holds barre. Just letting it come.  Being real.  Being me.  No more holding back.  Or at least less and less.

This is the way my gift wants to be expressed.  I am grateful that I am giving myself the freedom to do it more and more and no doubt this student, something about his personality, or our soul agreement is allowing me the space to express it… and the results with him are amazing, plus he sends me words of encouragement, so all of this is a great payoff, besides the fact that I know it’s right — I know I’ve hit my sweet spot.