January 1, 2013

I went to watch basketball again last night.  I love that I am doing this again.  I used to LOVE watching basketball (live) when I was in college.  Loved getting to know the players, being in the live action, and rooting them on.  I soo love it.

So last night I met up with my new friend, who yes, happens to be a guy.

Nothing romantic though.  I’m not interested in that right now immediately, I am just looking to be out in the world, making friends, as the new me.  As I’ve shared in a previous post, everything is new to me so I am doing all these relationships consciously.

So since we’ve met twice and now exchanged numbers (my idea since I’m not sure which game I’m going to be able to make next) I am feeling we’re a bit closer.

He emailed me this morning (my version of a text, since I don’t do texting, since I don’t really use a cell phone anymore) happy new year and some joking around from last night.

I can’t help but feel a bit nervous now.

Just uneasy.

He spoke about meeting up for other games and told me about some hip hop bars/lounges in the area cause I told him I was looking for something…

He talked about meeting up with me at these places.

Oh boy.  Now we’re going to see each other 2 maybe 3 times a week?

I don’t know about this.

Well, actually I do know about this – I don’t want to.

This is nothing against him.  I like him, he makes me laugh, and he’s teaching me a lot more about basketball.  I like his company…. but… not sure I want to watch every game with him.

I’m also not sure I want to meet up with him to go to other places.

He’s not going to be my man.  He’s just my friend.  And I like seeing him here and there – for basketball.  Well, at least for now.

I don’t want to get attached to anyone now.  Not now, not really ever.

I used to have many friends when I was in college and just out of it.

I used to have different friends to do different activities.  I used to jump in and out of groups.  All different types of people were fun for me to hang out with – and they were all different.  Very different from one another.

This is where I am happy and this is what I see myself re-creating.

So…. how do I see this guy sometimes and not others?

Do I have to text or call him each time I’m going to watch a game at “our place?”

Will I feel weird telling him that I went to x, y, z bar or club to check it out.. will he wonder, feel bad, that I didn’t invite him?

Oh man, oh man.

It’s not a big deal and I know I’ll figure it out.  But for now, I am sharing.

Sharing the noticing of someone who’s open to hanging out, but also very relaxed and laid back.  I see how we’re getting closer, which is cool, but I want to be cautious cause I like going to places on my own and I like meeting new people.

Last night I met two other guys as well.  I met them when I got to the bar and was watching the game.. before this guy arrived.

I had mentioned to them that they could join me at my table and just to have a heads up that another dude was joining me.

Buzz kill.

They thought it was a date.  They didn’t want to sit with me.  They didn’t want to intrude on my “possible” date.  I didn’t like the whole thing.

Most of my friends have always been guys.  There was a long period there that I tried to get closer to girls, something that I was never really too into when I got into serious relationships.  That was always hard.  I did that because I felt bad for the guys I was in relationship with.  They were jealous, I guess.  They didn’t think it was right.  I agreed.

But I like hanging out with guys.  It just happens naturally.  I think I am more blunt like a guy and I like doing activities, having fun — rather than chatting (since this is what I do for business) about feelings, deeper stuff — like guys tend to like doing as well.

Okay… day by day… we’ll see how this goes 🙂

It’s a good problem to have!

I’m having so much fun this past week!!! So much fun!! Like fun, like I haven’t had in a long time!! 🙂  I love basketball and being out meeting new people – so fun!